Archives for May 2023

Divorce Fears – Part 4

May 22, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

MOVING

You may be concerned about having to move. You’re concerned about how much it will cost you to move, such as moving expenses, security deposits, and perhaps having to purchase furniture and appliances. During the pendency of the divorce, these are issues that can be approached one at a time. And note, that just because a divorce has been filed doesn’t mean that you will be required to move out of the marital home immediately. So, there will be time to address when you will move out and how you will pay for your move.

As you and your spouse come to an agreement regarding the house, assets, and debts, you can discuss making funds available for the cost of moving out – where the money will come from and what time frame the money will be available. That way, when you are ready to make the move, you have the appropriate funds to do so.

LOSS OF SHARED TRADITIONS

You shared so much in your marriage – so many family and holiday traditions. Your divorce brings a new reality that you have lost someone that you thought was your best friend – your partner in life. And your divorce may mean you lose connection with members of your spouse’s family.

It’s true that divorce can mean a significant change in family and holiday traditions. You may even find you want to make changes to your family and holiday traditions because it’s just too painful to continue the old traditions you shared when you were married. But divorce now allows you the freedom to decide what traditions are important to you and allows you to create new traditions with your family and friends – traditions you can call your own.

PERSONAL FAILURE

Marriages fail for numerous reasons. And no one enters into a marriage contemplating divorce. So, does divorce equal failure? Not at all. The time you spent in your marriage can hardly be looked at as a failure as you loved each other and may have raised a family together.

Whether it was your decision or not, divorce can make us challenge our values. You may feel you let yourself or your family down. You struggle with your own sense of guilt. You think you are not worthy to move forward and seek happiness. You need to say to yourself that the relationship failed, but that doesn’t make you a failure.

Divorce shouldn’t be looked at as a failure, but as a chance to reinvent yourself. Adopt the belief that what’s behind you doesn’t’ define you or your future, and that you should never live life on a pass-fail basis. You didn’t fail, you tried. And hopefully you gave your marriage your all, and then had the courage to let each other go. That’s hardly a failure.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we are here for you each step of the way in your divorce. From planning your first steps, to approaching your separation, to helping you understand your rights, to signing the final documents. We can help you navigate the separation and divorce process. To get started today, book a consultation online or by calling Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634. Whenever you are ready, we are here for you. Our office is located at: 401 Hall St. Suite 112D, Grand Rapids, MI 49504

Divorce Fears – Part Three

May 15, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Perhaps you are still in shock that you find yourself in a situation of divorce. Your vision of your future never included divorce. Your new focus is now on finances, home, personal possessions, and children. And you wonder what your future will look like after you get through the legal process of your divorce. In Divorce Fears – Part Three, we will continue to discuss the challenges you may face while going through your divorce.

THE DIVORCE PROCESS

Like others, you’ve done some research online and are baffled and confused how to even get started. There seems like so much to know. What county do you file in, what paperwork do you need to file, how do you serve your spouse, should you retain an attorney, what do you next? Handling your divorce process is the job of your attorney. Having spent several years as a divorce attorney, I will help you navigate the divorce process, and be available for any questions or concerns you may have through each step of your divorce.

LOST FRIENDSHIPS

For some, a divorce may mean that your friends will take sides, and perhaps side with your spouse. And the loss of your support structure can be devastating. People that you thought were your good friends now turn their back, avoid you, or act awkward with you. But, over time, you will know who your real friends are – they are the people who are still standing by your side. Don’t worry about the rest – they will never support you, nor will you be able to fully trust them. Focus on the relationships that matter and that have and continue to provide you with support.

PETS

Do you and your spouse have pets? Many clients worry that they will be unable to afford their pets after the divorce, or that they will have to move to a new home that does not allow pets. Your pets are very much part of the family. And there are creative solutions! In the years as a divorce attorney, I have crafted pet visitation schedules for clients that allow for the “noncustodial” pet parent to continue seeing the family pet. I have also created pet plans that include the pet traveling back and forth on the same parenting schedule as the children. A divorce doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you never see your beloved pet again.

HELPING FAMILIES MOVE FORWARD

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Divorce Fears – Part 2

May 8, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Whether you’ve chosen to end your marriage, or your spouse decided to file for divorce, it may be difficult to imagine how your life will be after the divorce is finalized. In Divorce Fears – Part Two, we will continue to discuss fears that you and many others encounter while going through your divorce.

THE MARITAL HOME AND CUSTODY

You may be concerned that if you’re unable to keep the marital home in after the divorce, you won’t be able to retain custody of the children. Fear not.

Judges understand that in every divorce, one or both of the parties will be required to relocate. Even if you can’t keep the marital home, it doesn’t reflect on your ability to provide a stable and loving home for your children. If you have to sell the marital home, or your spouse retains it, you can find a new home that will keep your children in the same school district. This would offer stability to your children. And perhaps you find a new home closer to your support structure (friends and family) that can lend assistance to you and your children during this transition period.

LOST RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR CHILDREN

You worry you will lose your daily connection with your children. It’s true you won’t be able to see your children every day. But there are ways to navigate this issue such as zoom, skype, texting, and calls. Even small daily check-in’s can make this transition smoother for you and your children. And know that you and your spouse are experiencing the same fear of not being able to see the children daily after your divorce is finalized. It may feel lonely when you don’t have the children. However, this may be the time to focus on yourself, new friendships, and new interests. And when your children are with you, devote yourself to being the best parent you can be.

FEARS OF YOUR CHILDREN

Let’s not forget your children have divorce fears of their own. They may be concerned with who they will live with, if they have to choose between you and your spouse, if they have to attend a new school, if they have to move to a new home, if they have to lose their friends, and if they will still be able to participate in their extracurricular activities.

Your children maybe struggling emotionally, and you need assist them through this process. How can you help them? As parents, it’s our obligation to answer our children’s questions honestly, and age appropriately. This is not to say you should talk to your children about the details of your divorce. But you need to reassure them that you both still love them and are co-parenting to make good decisions on their behalf.

You and your spouse need to set your differences aside, learn to co-parent, and come up with a plan that works for everyone (including your children). This is the time to look out for your children and keep their best interests in mind at all times.

HELPING PEOPLE START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THEIR LIVES

Divorce Fears – Part I

May 1, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Divorce is a time of uncertainty. And fear in divorce is a reality and to be expected. You’re about to experience major changes in your life. You wonder what life will be like after your divorce. You fear the unknown. You worry about how your divorce will impact your life moving forward. You worry about how your children will handle your divorce. Even if you and your spouse have agreed to the terms of your divorce, you still worry what you and your children’s future will look like. And you wonder if you will be able to financially survive after your divorce.

Many of these concerns are shared by most people as they end their marriage. So, what are some of the divorce fears you may be encountering? The following are some common divorce fears:

RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS

Do you fear you will be required to divide your retirement accounts, and wonder if you will be able to retire as planned? It’s common for you to be concerned about keeping your retirement accounts intact. However, if the money in your retirement account was earned during the marriage, it will be considered marital and will be divided as any other marital asset would be. This can be a setback for your retirement plans, and it may be smart to talk to your financial planner to discuss your options.

FAIR SETTLEMENT

You’re concerned you won’t obtain a fair settlement or fair division of the marital assets. It’s important for you to know that judges make their decisions on equity and fairness. It’s not reality that one party walks out with everything, leaving the other party destitute. Therefore, your fear that you will be left out in the cold is not supported by Michigan law. You will receive a fair and equitable division of the marital estate.

FINANCIAL SURVIVAL

You wonder if you will be able to support yourself after the divorce. Perhaps you’ve been out of the workforce for several years, and have little education or job skills. You ask yourself if you will have to go back to work in order to support yourself. You wonder if you’ll be able to make it on one income. You wonder if it’s a good time to go back to school and so that you can obtain employment that will offer you a better income opportunity. These are very real fears for parties who have been the stay-at-home parent. Once again, there is time while the divorce is ongoing to examine your specific situation and financial needs.

In summary, financial fears during a divorce are very real. You wonder if you can retire on time, or if you will be homeless. Divorce often means that you will have to adjust to living on a smaller budget, that you may have to go back to work, or increase your hours at work. However, it is possible to rebuild your sense of financial security after your divorce and regain your financial freedom.

PROVIDING SOLUTIONS FOR FAMILIES

Archives for May 2023

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