Divorce

Why Can’t Parents Get Along? Four Common Sense Rules

February 2, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

So many issues in divorce or custody cases are simply brought on by the unwillingness of parents to get along for the sake of their children. And yes, I said “their”, as children have, want, and need two parents.

So, what can you do to make your situation better with the other parent? Four common-sense rules, if followed, would go a long way to making your relationship bearable or even better with the other parent:

Watch your tone when you speak to the other parent, as they may read into your tone a meaning that just wasn’t there. You both know each other better than most people, and can push each other’s buttons. So, try to keep your conversation respectful in tone and nature.
Don’t argue or have adult conversations in the presence of the children. Arguing and adult conversations between the two of you should take place privately, as children do not need to be placed between their parents.
Don’t discuss any ongoing court case with the children. When children know about pending litigation, it only stresses them out about their future.
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Don’t let the other parent lure you into making derogatory statements to them that can, and most likely will, be used against you in court. The golden rule: if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

When dealing with the other parent, keep your focus on your children and their emotional needs. This is no longer about you, your anger, or your resentment for the other parent. This is about what your children need…two parents who can show them they are still loved by both parents, and that it is ok for them to love both of you. It’s not hard to be the positive role model your children need.

CHILDREN ARE FIRST. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC we understand that the interests of your children always come first. Whatever your situation, Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced, sympathetic and willing to help you achieve the best outcome for your entire family. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Is It Better To Get The Marital Home In The Divorce?

January 23, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

MISCONCEPTION: It’s better to get the marital home in the divorce.

FACT: Not necessarily. The following list is presented for your consideration as to why it may not be best in your situation to fight to keep the marital home post-divorce:

AFFORDABILITY
- You have reviewed your post-divorce budget and realize that the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on the marital home is more than you can afford paying on your own. It’s best not to be house poor after a divorce. You need to allow yourself time to get used to being single and supporting yourself on one income. And, planning for a post-divorce budget is always speculative…you won’t know your true budget until you are actually living on your own.
THE REAL COST OF HOME OWNERSHIP
- There is a lot more to the cost of owning a home than just a mortgage payment. Or even just basic house maintenance and making repairs. Some basic expenses required to operate a home may include annual property taxes, fees/dues, landscaping, snow removal, hazard insurance, utilities (water, sewer, gas, electric, propane), mortgage insurance, and internet/cable.
MAINTENANCE
- All homes require maintenance. You need to carefully consider if you are able to afford to pay for a professional to perform any maintenance/repairs that are necessary, or if you are you able to do the work on your own. And how much money should you allocate each month for maintenance. According to US News and Freddie Mac, homebuyers should actually budget up to 4% of the property’s value in annual maintenance costs. Now add that onto your mortgage, taxes, and insurance and ask yourself if the total places you in or out of your financial comfort zone. Once again, it’s important to carefully review your post-divorce budget and determine if you are able to maintain the marital home on your income.
DOES THE HOME MEET YOUR NEEDS POST-DIVORCE
- It may be that your marital home will not meet your needs after you are divorced. Perhaps it is too large. Or, it may be that you have retuned back to work and the marital home is not ideally located near your employment. Additionally, there may be too many emotions and bad memories tied to your marital home for you to happily remain. It just may be time to move on and start new with a home that is your very own. The decision to keep the marital home post-divorce is significant. If it is time to move on, create your new post-divorce budget. This will allow you to select a better home you can afford, saving time in your home search, and getting a house that you’ll love and enjoy, versus it being a stressful financial burden.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Divorce can be emotional and messy, and it’s natural for anyone going through a divorce to want to protect their financial interests. Maintaining an objective view of the situation can be difficult when you are struggling with complex emotional issues and personal tensions in your divorce. As an experienced Michigan divorce lawyer, Schmitt Law, PLLC can help you maintain control over your property in divorce, and provide detailed guidance and support throughout every step of the process. The right attorney can increase the likelihood of you securing a favorable outcome to property division in your divorce.

Laurie Schmitt of Schmitt Law, PLLC has years of experience representing clients in a wide range of difficult divorce cases. We understand the financial concerns our clients often have regarding their property ownership rights and the doubts they often experience when it comes to property division in divorce. If you are seeking a divorce, contact us today to schedule a consultation. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or by calling (616) 608-4634 for a consultation today.

Is There Value To An Apology In Divorce?

January 16, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

WHAT IS AN APOLOGY?

Merriam-Webster defines an apology as “an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret”.

HOW DOES AN APOLOGY FIT IN A DIVORCE?

But, how does an apology play a role when couples are divorcing, and what is the value in offering an apology to your spouse? An apology can re-establish dignity to your spouse, letting them know you have made mistakes that have hurt them.

There are times when clients seem to get “stuck” …they just can’t seem to move forward. It’s clear they are unable to reach an agreement and resolve their divorce until their anger issues are addressed.

What has caused the anger in their marriage can be many things such as their spouse having an emotional and/or physical affair – causing feelings of betrayal. Or, perhaps they feel taken advantage – that they never felt appreciated in the marriage. Often, it’s these feelings that prevent them from “concluding” the marriage, and reaching a final agreement.

IT MUST BE A SINCERE APOLOGY

A true apology from their spouse can free them from their anger, resentment, or frustration, allowing them to move forward and end their marriage with dignity. So, an apology can play a large role in keeping the divorce process on track. And the value is the same …that is allows the divorce to move forward to a conclusion.

But the apology must be a “true apology”, one that recognizes you have done something wrong and expresses your regret for the act. If the wronged spouse believes there is an expression of regret or remorse, the apology can be accepted, and the case can move to the next step: agreement. Remember, an effective apology can hep heal, while an ineffective apology can cause more pain.

If you intend to apologize to your spouse, you need to fully own the behavior you are apologizing for. And your apology needs to be sincere. You need to effectively acknowledge that you are actually sorry for something you have done for your apology to be accepted. An effective apology must validate the other’s pain.

BEFORE YOU APOLOGIZE, TALK TO YOUR ATTORNEY

Note, if you intend to offer an apology to your spouse while in the midst of a divorce, you should talk to your attorney before any apology is offered. The specifics of your apology can harm your divorce case in that any admissions of wrongdoing to your spouse may find its way into a divorce trial. So, offering an apology can be tricky, and should be carefully considered and discussed with you attorney before doing so.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or, contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Divorce Plaintiff Or Defendant – Does It Matter Who Files?

January 9, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Does it matter if you are the filing spouse in the divorce action (known as Plaintiff) or you are the responding spouse (known as Defendant)? The quick answer is no. Whether you or your spouse file the Complaint for Divorce, it does not place you in a better or worse position with the court.

MOST COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS SHARED WITH SCHMITT LAW, PLLC AS IT RELATES TO FILLING A DIVORCE ACTION:

I will receive more in the divorce settlement if I file the divorce
I will be given preference by the judge if I file the divorce
The judge will automatically believe my spouse is bad simply because I filed the divorce
The judge will automatically favor me, or have sympathy for my situation because I filed the divorce
If I am the defendant in a divorce action, I will be treated differently than the Plaintiff
If I file the divorce, I will automatically be given custody of the children
In the reverse, if I am the Defendant, I will not be given custody of the children
Plaintiffs always win and Defendants always lose in a divorce action

THE TRUTH

To summarize, it doesn’t matter to the court which spouse files the divorce action. In the State of Michigan, division of personal and real property are determined based on what is equitable and fair – and not on which spouse filed the divorce action.

And in the State of Michigan, custody and parenting time are determined based on the best interests of the minor children – and not on which spouse filed the divorce action.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you filed for divorce, or are considering filing in the near future, contact the Michigan family law attorney at Schmitt Law, PLLC. We have extensive experience handling all types of Michigan divorce cases and the related issues that frequently come up in the divorce process, including spousal support, child custody, and child support. We provide custom-tailored legal advice and solutions for clients. To learn more about how we can help you through the divorce process, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Can My Spouse and I Attend The Initial Consultation Together If We Agree On All The Terms of Our Divorce?

January 3, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

THE SHORT ANSWER: NO

Even if you and your spouse agree on the terms of your Judgment of Divorce prior to filing for your divorce, you still may not attend a consultation together with Schmitt Law, PLLC.

TO ELABORATE…

The reason why Schmitt Law, PLLC will not meet with both parties at the initial consultation is that ethics prohibit an attorney from representing both parties in a divorce. If both parties meet with Schmitt Law, PLLC, both parties may naturally believe their interests are being represented by Schmitt Law, PLLC. And, in the State of Michigan that simply cannot be the case. The rule is that an attorney can serve only one master.

BUT WE REALLY HAVE AN AGREEMENT AND DON’T WANT TO START A FIGHT

It may be true that you and your spouse have worked out all of the details of your divorce agreement. However, it is not unheard of for one or both spouses to change their minds after filing the divorce. And, if your case takes a turn, and litigation is required, who does the attorney who provided you and your spouse the initial consultation really represent?

Before you sign your Judgment of Divorce, you may want to ask questions of an attorney privately. But you are concerned that your spouse will think you want to “fight” in court. However, seeking a consultation separate and apart from your spouse should not translate into litigation.

And, if your agreement is durable, it’s not likely your spouse will believe that because you wish to consult with an attorney, the deal is off, or believe you are seeking to enter into a litigated divorce.

WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS?

If you and your spouse know that you will be able to maintain civility through the divorce process, then we may take a “team approach” to your divorce as follows:

You would have an initial consultation with Schmitt Law, PLLC
Once you retain Schmitt Law, PLLC as your counsel, then we may begin working as a team to file and complete your divorce.
You and your spouse would decide when to file the divorce
You and your spouse would provide the details of your agreement to Schmitt Law, PLLC
Schmitt Law, PLLC would prepare the Judgment of Divorce to comport with your agreement
You and your spouse would review the Judgment of Divorce, and provide Schmitt Law, PLLC with any changes you require
Once we have finalized the Judgment of Divorce, you and your spouse would sign it
Once the Judgment of Divorce has been signed, Schmitt Law, PLLC would schedule the final hearing
Once the Judgment of Divorce has been signed, Schmitt Law, PLLC would schedule the final hearing

Note that the “team approach” may only take place if your spouse does not retain an attorney of their own. If your spouse retains an attorney, we would be unable to work as a team, and communication would take place between Schmitt Law, PLLC and your spouse’s attorney.

A GENTLER DIVORCE. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. Contact Laurie at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation to discuss the collaborative divorce process and how it can benefit you.

What Does It Mean To Serve Someone With Divorce Documents?

December 30, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

SERVICE OF THE DIVORCE DOCUMENTS

After the Complaint for Divorce has been filed with the clerk of the court, and the Summons has been issued, both documents must be served on the Defendant. Service can be in person (voluntary or by a process server) or by mail.

VOLUNTARY ACCEPTANCE OF SERVICE

If your spouse is willing to voluntarily accept service of the Complaint for Divorce and Summons, they must complete the Acknowledgement of Service found at the bottom of the second page of the Summons. Your spouse will be required to complete the Acknowledgment of Service listing the documents they received, as well as the day, date, and time of service. After your spouse has completed the Acknowledgment of Service, you must file the Summons and completed Acknowledgment of Service with the Clerk of the Court to show service of process has been completed.

PROCESS SERVER

If your spouse will not accept service of the Complaint for Divorce and Summons, you may hire a process server to have your spouse served. A process server may be a sheriff, deputy sheriff, bailiff, or appointed court officer. Process servers charge for their service, and the cost will vary.

After your spouse has been served with the Complaint for Divorce and Summons, the process server will complete the Affidavit of Service showing what documents were served, the name of the person served, as well as the date, time, and location of service of your spouse. This Affidavit of Service is then filed with the Clerk of the Court to show service of process has been completed.

MAIL

If your spouse will not accept service of the Complaint for Divorce and Summons, you may serve your spouse via U.S. Mail. The Complaint for Divorce and Summons must be mailed registered or certified mail. Once you have received the return receipt from the post office, you must attach it to a copy of the Summons and file it with the Clerk of the Court to show service of process has been completed.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or, contact us online to arrange a consultation.

What Is The Biggest Concern When Divorcing Without Minor Children: It’s About The Money.

December 23, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Divorcing when there are no minor children certainly should be easier than couples who must address custody, parenting time, and child support. However, even when there are no issues regarding children to discuss, couples still must address the touchy subject of money. And discussions surrounding money are never easy.

The three biggest concerns that couples with no children must address are spousal support, division of assets, and separate property. And addressing these concerns can lead to challenges for couples.

Below are the three biggest financial concerns that couple must address when divorcing without children:

1. SPOUSAL SUPPORT:

Many factors are considered by the court as relevant in determining whether spousal support should be awarded. If the parties are unable to reach an agreement on the amount and length of time spousal support will be paid, the issue must be decided by the judge. If the issue of spousal support must be adjudicated, the court will look to the following factors is deciding on amount and duration of a spousal support award: (1) the past relations and conduct of the parties, (2) the length of the marriage, (3) the ability of the parties to work, (4) the source and amount of property awarded to the parties, (5) the age of the parties, (6) the ability of the parties to work, (7) the present situation of the parties, (8) the needs of the parties, (9) the prior standard of living of the parties, (10) general principles of equity.

2. DIVISION OF ASSETS:

Think of it this way, everything is considered a marital asset until it’s proven otherwise. This includes all real property, personal property, vehicles, recreational vehicles, boats, retirement accounts, 401K’s, IRA’s, stocks, bonds, and the list goes on. If you own it, it’s a marital asset until one party shows the court otherwise. And the basic rule: the marital estate is divided between the parties (fairly, not necessarily equally).

3. SEPARATE PROPERTY ISSUES:

Courts distinguish between marital property and separate property, with separate property being property acquired before the parties married, and marital property being property acquired during the marriage. Michigan has adopted a doctrine called the doctrine of non-invasion of separate property. As a general rule, separate property (before marriage) is awarded to the party who owned the property prior to marriage, unless the other party substantially contributed to its acquisition or appreciation or the estate is otherwise insufficient. (For example, if you purchased your home before marriage, the increase in value of the property during the marriage will often be considered marital.)

However, Michigan law allows the trial court to invade the separate assets of a party under two distinct exceptions: First, “if the estate and effects awarded to either party are insufficient for the suitable support and maintenance of either party” and second, “if it appears from the evidence in the case that the party contributed to the acquisition, improvement, or accumulation of the property.” Even if separate property of one party is awarded to the other spouse, the ultimate property division is to be fair and equitable under all of the circumstances of the case.

CONTACT AN EXPERIENCED DIVORCE ATTORNEY IN GRAND RAPIDS, MI

Top Ten Tips To Make Your Divorce Easier

December 14, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Divorce is a difficult process – difficult on your budget, on your children, and on your future. But, if you prepare well, you can make the divorce process easier with the following top ten tips on how to make your divorce easier.

EASIER FOR YOUR BUDGET

1. Amicable divorce. Have a discuss with your spouse about completing your divorce in an amicable manner.

2. Mediation. If you are unable to agree on matters regarding your divorce settlement, seek the assistance of a qualified family law mediator.

3. Debts. If possible, pay the marital debts off before you file for divorce.

4. Be Prepared. Collect your financial documents before meeting with a family law attorney or before engaging in financial discussions with your spouse.

EASIER FOR YOUR CHILDREN

5. Telling the kids. You and your spouse should agree on how and when to tell the children about the divorce. And if possible, you should tell them together.

6. No bad talk. Do not disparage your spouse in front of the children.

7. Adult issues. Shelter the children from adult issues. Make sure when you are discussing adult issues when the children are home that they cannot overhear the conversation.

8. Kids hurt too. If your children are struggling with your breakup, you and your spouse should consider placing the children in counseling.

EASIER FOR YOUR FUTURE

9. New life – new budget. Start working on a post-divorce budget now. Without some pre-planning, it’s impossible to make good decisions about renting verses buying, the purchase of a new vehicle, etc.

10. Divorce is hard. If necessary, seek the assistance of a divorce support group or counselor. There’s no shame in reaching out for help during this difficult time.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Divorce

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