Laurie Schmitt Family Law

W. Michigan family law specializing in Collaborative Divorce

616-608-4634

Children

Divorce Fears – Part 2

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Whether you’ve chosen to end your marriage, or your spouse decided to file for divorce, it may be difficult to imagine how your life will be after the divorce is finalized. In Divorce Fears – Part Two, we will continue to discuss fears that you and many others encounter while going through your divorce.

THE MARITAL HOME AND CUSTODY

You may be concerned that if you’re unable to keep the marital home in after the divorce, you won’t be able to retain custody of the children.  Fear not. 

Judges understand that in every divorce, one or both of the parties will be required to relocate. Even if you can’t keep the marital home, it doesn’t reflect on your ability to provide a stable and loving home for your children.  If you have to sell the marital home, or your spouse retains it, you can find a new home that will keep your children in the same school district. This would offer stability to your children. And perhaps you find a new home closer to your support structure (friends and family) that can lend assistance to you and your children during this transition period.

LOST RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR CHILDREN

Divorce Fears

You worry you will lose your daily connection with your children.  It’s true you won’t be able to see your children every day.  But there are ways to navigate this issue such as zoom, skype, texting, and calls.  Even small daily check-in’s can make this transition smoother for you and your children.  And know that you and your spouse are experiencing the same fear of not being able to see the children daily after your divorce is finalized. It may feel lonely when you don’t have the children. However, this may be the time to focus on yourself, new friendships, and new interests. And when your children are with you, devote yourself to being the best parent you can be. 

FEARS OF YOUR CHILDREN

Let’s not forget your children have divorce fears of their own. They may be concerned with who they will live with, if they have to choose between you and your spouse, if they have to attend a new school, if they have to move to a new home, if they have to lose their friends, and if they will still be able to participate in their extracurricular activities.

Your children maybe struggling emotionally, and you need assist them through this process.  How can you help them? As parents, it’s our obligation to answer our children’s questions honestly, and age appropriately. This is not to say you should talk to your children about the details of your divorce. But you need to reassure them that you both still love them and are co-parenting to make good decisions on their behalf.

You and your spouse need to set your differences aside, learn to co-parent, and come up with a plan that works for everyone (including your children). This is the time to look out for your children and keep their best interests in mind at all times.

HELPING PEOPLE START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THEIR LIVES

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life.  To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

What Happens When We Don’t Agree On Extra-Curricular Activities For The Children?

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Does your judgment of divorce contain provisions regarding the terms of extra-curricular activities for the children?  Does it define who will pay for the extra-curricular activities?  Does it state how many extra-curricular activities the children may participate in at one time? Does it specifically state what activities the children may participate in?  If so, your judgment of divorce controls.  If not, now what?

Extra Curricular Activities and Children

HOW DO COURTS DECIDE DISPUTES

Courts look to the best interest of the children when evaluating extra-curricular activity disputes between parents. 

COMMON QUESTIONS

The following are some of the top questions of clients regarding extra-curricular activities and the possible rulings judges may make:

Question: Can my ex unilaterally enroll the children in extra-curricular activities?

Possible Ruling: Some judges say that if your ex enrolls your child in an extra-curricular activity without seeking your permission, the activity must be on your ex’s parenting time. The general rule is “Their dime – their time.”

Question: Does your ex expect you to pay for an extra-curricular activity that you did not agree to?

Possible Ruling: Judges may rule that your ex would remain solely responsible for enrollment fees/costs. Once again, the general rule is “Their dime – their time.”

Question: What if you and your ex can’t agree on extra-curricular activities for your child?

Possible Ruling: When you and your ex can’t agree to extra-curricular activities for your child, judges may rule that you each will rotate with enrollment choices. This means that this quarter you get to select the extra-curricular activity and next quarter your ex gets to select. Also, the judge would consider how long the child has been involved in a specific extra-curricular activity. Judges will typically say that if the child has been involved in an activity in the past (or while you were married), they will remain enrolled in that activity.

Question: Does the extra-curricular activity impact your ability to have meaningful parenting time with your children?

Possible Ruling: Judges have also ruled that there will be a limit the number of activities a child can participate in at one time. The premise is that your child shouldn’t be enrolled in so many activities that it negatively impacts you or your ex’s parenting time. The child’s extra-curricular activity should enhance their lives, not keep them constantly on the run.

Question: Who is responsible for transportation to and from the extra-curricular activity?

Possible Ruling: If you and your ex agreed to the activity, you will be responsible for transportation during your parenting time. If there was no agreement, it is likely your ex will be solely responsible for transportation.

Question: What happens if my ex refuses to take our child to the extra-curricular activity?

Possible Ruling: Judges have gone different directions on this issue. Some judges will not require a parent to take the child to the extra-curricular activity during their parenting time, while other judges will require parents to do so. 

VALUE IN EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

Participation in extra-curricular activities is good for children as it builds self-esteem, teaches them how to be a part of a team, helps them make friends that share in common interests, and teaches them about winning and losing. And if your child excels in a particular extra-curricular activity, it could mean a college scholarship. So, even if you didn’t agree to your child participating in an extra-curricular activity, and it lands on your parenting time, there may be value in allowing them to participate versus fighting with your ex about it.

Disclaimer: Many of the answers to the above questions are judge dependent. The true answer is “It just depends” on your specific judge.  The outcome to all extra-curricular activity disputes can be very different based on your judge. If you’re having issues with your ex related to extra-curricular activities for your children, call Schmitt Law, PLLC to see how we can assist.

AN ATTORNEY WHO UNDERSTANDS YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.  GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, our clients benefit from years of experience. We treat every client as an individual, taking the time to understand your unique situation, so as to best advise you on the steps you should take. Whatever stage your life is at, you can trust Schmitt Law, PLLC to guide you through the legal process with expertise and compassion, because we understand that family comes first. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Can You Control Lifestyle Differences In Your Ex’s House?

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Courts don’t adjudicate values for your children. They leave that for parents. If you and your spouse are getting divorced or are already divorced, you may not share the same values or lifestyles. So, what can you do when you and your ex have different rules and lifestyles in your homes for your children?

Different Lifestyles divorce

You need to find a way to accept that you and your ex are ending or have ended your marriage for a reason.  And you need to accept the reality that each of you have the right to make different decisions and implement different rules for the children while the children are in your care. You need to manage your expectations now, for what’s about to come: each parent having the right to control their homes during their parenting time.

If it’s not illegal, considered neglect or abuse, or putting the children in danger, the court will not get involved in micromanaging you or your ex’s lifestyle and decisions regarding your children.

Even if you and your ex disagree on decisions for the children, you and your ex get to decide what takes place in your respective homes. These are just a few examples of decisions parent gets to make when the children are in that parent’s care:

  • What the children may eat
  • What clothes the children may wear
  • What bed times the children will have
  • The children’s access, use, duration and choices of tv, video games, cell phone use, internet access, and social media platforms
  • What activities they will participate in
  • How they will wear their hair

These are just a few issues the court will not involve themselves in:

  • Mom/dad lets me stay up later
  • Mom/dad lets me play that video game
  • Mom/dad lets me listen to that music
  • Mom/Dad said I could at their house

Ask yourself, if your ex’s decisions are negatively impacting the health, safety, or welfare of your children? Your inclination may be to jump to the answer yes, of course their decisions are bad for the children. But will the court agree with you?

FINAL TIP: You may not approve of your ex’s decisions nor would you make the same choices at your house. But that’s the very definition of lifestyle differences. So, before you litigate lifestyle differences, ask yourself if you can show the court that a health, safety, or welfare issue is involved. Disagreements, conflicts, and differences about lifestyles will not be enough to convince a court to micromanage your ex’s life.

PROVIDING SOLUTIONS FOR FAMILIES.GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation.  Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life.  To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

How Should You Act During Your Custody Case?

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CUSTODY AND THE COMMON-SENSE RULES.

You’re in the midst of a custody case, and suspect it may turn into a battle. Or your case has taken a turn for the worse, and everything you say and do seems to get back to the judge. What should you do?

Ask yourself “What type of parent am I”?  Will the judge conclude you are a good parent when they look at the evidence?  Do your decisions reflect a parent that puts the needs of their children ahead of themselves?  It’s important to understand that your day-to-day decisions will be scrutinized by the judge when your case goes to trial. 

WHAT JUDGES REVIEW IN A CUSTODY CASE

Custody and Parents Behavior

Judges are concerned with your moral character, and your ability to make good decisions as a parent. Judges make custody determinations based off evidence presented in court. The following are tips to win your custody case:

  • STAY ACTIVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN’S EDUCATION.  Attend all parent/teacher conferences.  Stay in contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person). Address issues your children are having in school. Make it important to attend all extra-curricular and school activities of your children. It’s all about making your children’s education important.
  • OBTAIN COUNSELING FOR YOUR CHILDREN, IF NECESSARY.  Each child copes with divorce and change in their own way. Children benefit from having a neutral third party they can talk to and need a safe place to express their feelings. Children feel your anxiety and frustration. So, pay attention to their mental health needs.
  • NO DATING.  Dating while divorcing shows the court you’re placing your emotional needs ahead of your children’s needs, and shows poor judgment on your part. 
  • IF YOU MUST DATE.  And if you must date, don’t introduce your children to your significant other, or have your significant other spend the night when you have custody of your children. Be mindful that your children are struggling emotionally with the breakup of their family. And if this relationship extends past the divorce, an introduction can take place after the divorce.
  • DATING…CONTINUED.  If you were never married to the other parent and are in the middle of a custody battle, having multiple new people in and out of the children’s lives is not healthy or appropriate. So, stop doing it, or don’t start it! 
  • NO OVERNIGHTS. Unless you need to spend the night away for business purposes, refrain from spending the night away from home. And be prepared to document these trips as business trips. Staying the night away from home can show your needs come before your children’s needs. And, even if they are business trips, it can be misconstrued as a possible affair. 
  • JUST STOP!  Don’t engage in name calling, arguing, or use of foul language with your ex while in front of your children. Your children are already conflicted, and don’t benefit by seeing you act badly towards your ex. These behaviors show a lack of discretion and places your children on the front line of the war. 
  • NO FIGHTING AT EXCHANGES.  You and your ex are there to exchange the children, not engage in battle with the other parent. If you’re having issues with the other parent’s behavior at exchanges, you may want to document the exchanges via video
  • TAKE THE BATTLE OUT OF IT.  Don’t engage in text/email wars. Anything you put in writing can and will show up in court. Make sure that your communications are necessary and relevant regarding your children. If you send it, the judge may read it.  So, take a moment before you hit the “send” button. Ask yourself, “do I want the judge to see this”? 
  • NO BAD TALK.  When the children are with you, focus your activities around them.  Don’t spend your quality time with your children disparaging your ex. It just puts your children in the middle.    
  • RELIGION. If you’ve always attended church with the children, continue to do so.  However, if you and the children have no real religious history prior to the custody case, don’t manufacture an interest in religion to make yourself look better to the court.
  • DO YOU WANT A PERSONAL PROTECTION ORDER FILED AGAINST YOU? Don’t stalk, harass, or repeatedly call the ex. It may cause your mental health and character may be called into question by the judge. And worse yet, you may find yourself receiving a PPO.
  • NO ILLEGAL ACTIVITY OR ARRESTS.  If you can’t refrain from participating in illegal activity or getting arrested during a custody case, you will not be awarded custody. 
  • DON’T DRIVE WITHOUT A LICENSE. If your license has been revoked or suspended, don’t drive with your children in the car.   Doing so shows complete disregard for the law. 
  • DRUGS/ALCOHOL: If there are allegations of drug use and excessive drinking, then you need to stop. Nothing worse than failing a court ordered drug or alcohol test.
  • ARE YOUR ACTIVITIES BEING DOCUMENTED. It’s not uncommon for private investigators to be hired in custody cases. Who knows your habits better than your ex?  And what better way to make you look bad than to get video footage of you drunk at the bar. So, refrain from going to bars during your custody case. 

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY.  GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Custody is a sensitive topic in divorce cases. Child custody mediation will put your child first and set you up for a healthy co-parenting relationship. With an experienced attorney and mediator like Laurie Schmitt, you will be able to navigate your new family dynamic with clear understanding and communication. Looking for a professional and experienced family law attorney, contact us online or give us a call at (616) 608-4634. At Schmitt Law, PLLC our commitment is to you!

Why Didn’t I Receive The Result In My Custody Case That I Expected?

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Custody cases are the most difficult of family law cases to litigate. If you are about to be, or are currently involved in a custody case, you should review this list. It may prevent you from finding yourself in a position of asking yourself why you didn’t receive the result you expected in your custody case.

Child Custody Results
  • I didn’t follow the guidelines of my attorney. It’s likely early in your professional relationship with your attorney there were discussions about what was expected from you. If you failed to follow those guidelines, it may have been a contributory factor in not being awarded the parenting time or custody you were seeking.
  • My communication with the other parent was harassing and/or off topic from issues related to the children. This is a simple rule to follow: while in the midst of a custody case, keep your communication with the other parent about the children. This means do not discuss the history of your relationship, what lead to the breakdown of your relationship, what angers you about the other parent, or make any derogatory statements to the other parent through your communication. Negative communication to the other parent can constitute harassment, it is unnecessary, and will not assist you in achieving your goals as a parent. And assume that all communications with the other parent will be shared with the judge.
  • I refused to stop drinking and/or using drugs. When a Michigan court makes a determination regarding custody and parenting time, they do so by reviewing the best interest factors. And one of the best interest factors is related to alcohol and drug use. An ongoing substance abuse or alcohol issue can be viewed by a judge as an impediment on your ability to appropriately care for your children. 
  • I refused to address my anger issues. If domestic violence was an issue in your relationship with the other parent (or with any other significant other), you may want to seek professional assistance. Once again, a domestic violence issue is yet another best interest factor that will be heavily weighed by the judge in their final decision regarding custody and parenting time. 
  • My expectations were not realistic from the start of the case. At your first consultation, it’s important to share your expectations with your attorney. And, it’s equally important for your attorney to inform you if your expectations are realistic. Client disappointments happen when clients want more than they can receive from the judge, and when attorneys overpromise.    

LET ME WORRY ABOUT WHAT MATTERS MOST … YOUR FUTURE WITH YOUR FAMILY.  GRAND RAPIDS CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

The hallmark of my family law practice is providing you with top quality legal service, and by being intensely responsive to my clients. I will work hard to protect your future with your children. I will help you to secure the best possible outcome in your custody case, by giving you your strongest voice in the family law process. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634.

Should My Kids Be On Social Media?

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Should you allow your kids to be using social media platforms and allowing your children to publicly document their entire childhood? This article will share how allowing your children to be on social media platforms can harm your custody case, and how judges approach this subject.

HOW JUDGES LOOK AT CHILDREN’S USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Judges often take the position that is shows poor judgment when parents allow their children to be on social media platforms. Judges also believe allowing children to be on social media platforms is inappropriate.

Note, that if you allow your children to be on a social media platform, it can be used against you in a custody case. Why?

kids on social media

In the State of Michigan, providing appropriate guidance for your children is one of the best interest factors judges review to make a determination regarding custody and parenting time. Judges take the position that allowing your child to be on social media can be evidence that you are not providing appropriate guidance for your children. 

Additionally, judges believe allowing children to be on social media platforms can speak to your home environment. And a parent’s home environment is yet another best interest factor judges review in making their final decision on custody.

TERMS OF SERVICE FOR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

As a parent you need to understand the terms of service for each social media platform your children may be using. What is the minimum age for each platform? Judges do not take it lightly when parents allow their child to be on social media platform when they are too young to legally be on the platforms.

HOW SOCIAL MEDIA CAN HARM YOUR CHILD AS AN ADULT

Judges also believe your children can suffer long term consequences for statements made on social media platforms. Anything your children post on social media platforms can remain there forever. These posts can have significant impact your children as they become adults looking to get into college, looking for that scholarship, and looking for the first job.

REAL LIFE STORY

A story shared by a judge at a conference went as follows: the child was accepted to college on a full athletic scholarship. When the college did a background check on the child’s use of social media, they found comments they did not approve of.

These comments were made when the child was in high school. Yet, those comments were used against the child as the college rescinded this child’s athletic scholarship and admission into college. 

To conclude, if you are in a custody battle, you need to think twice about allowing your children to be active on social media platforms. Of course, if your children are on social media platforms and how it can impact your case is dependent on your judge’s personal perspective, and can vary from judge to judge.

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY.  GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are concerned about your children being on social media platforms while at the ex’s house, Schmitt Law, PLLC. We’ll help you pursue the best outcome in your family law dispute. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact us online or call (616) 608-4634.

Is It Best To Delay Our Divorce Until Our Children Are Grown?

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Potential clients come into the office seeking legal advice regarding a divorce. At times, I hear that maybe it’s best they wait until their children are grown before they divorce. These parents justify their position to wait and stay married until the children are grown for many reasons, as follows:

  • They can avoid the custody battle that they are sure will take place
  • They will be able to provide the children a more stable environment if they stay married
  • They will not have to uproot the children from the only home they have ever known
  • They will not have to relocate the children to a new school
Delay telling children divorce

It’s admirable to put your children’s needs first when it comes to a divorce. However, are you making the right decision when you decide to stay in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage until your children are grown? The truth is that while divorce does impact your children, it’s how you and your spouse handle yourselves during the divorce that matters. How well your children get through the changes depends on how well you help them through the process. What can you do to help your children through your divorce:

  • You can eliminate the conflict with your ex (at least while in the presence of your children)
  • To the best of your ability, keep your children’s schedules and routines the same as it was while you were married
  • Make sure that the children know you and your spouse love them and that they were not the reason for your divorce
  • Promote with your children that it is alright to love both you and your ex.
  • Address your anger and frustration with the divorce and your ex. Your children learn from your actions, and parrot back your behaviors.

There never is a perfect time to divorce. However, if you stay in your marriage, are you and your spouse able to provide the children with an emotionally safe and stable environment?  Or, do you and your spouse argue, fight, or worse yet engage in the silent treatment with each other – all in ear shot of the children? When you are trying to decide to divorce verses stay married, you need to look at all of the circumstances and weigh the good against the bad.

How your children handle your divorce depends on how well you and your spouse work together towards a positive outcome in your divorce. What you decide to do will depend on your specific circumstances. Children are resilient. And perhaps what’s best is to provide them with two happy homes verses one filled with anxiety.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation.  Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Hints For Parents Going Through A Custody Case

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Are you going through a heated custody case, or intend to be involved in a custody case in the near future?  If so, the following list may help you from making unnecessary mistakes.

Hints for Parents and Custody
  • Attend ALL parent/teacher conferences with your children’s school
  •   Stay in weekly contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person)
  • Address issues your children are having in school
  • Attend all extra-curricular school activities of the children
  • Place the children in counseling (if necessary)
  • No dating – it shows the court that you are placing the children’s needs ahead of your own
  • Do not spend the night away from home unless it is for business (and it can be documented as such)
  • Do not have boyfriends/girlfriends spend the night (once again, no dating)
  • No social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.,)
  • Do not argue or use foul language with the other parent (especially in front of the children)
  • Do not disparage the other parent in front of the children
  • Attend church with the children and enroll them in any activities that are age appropriate
  • Do not stalk, harass, or continually call the other parent
  • Make sure all emails to the other parent are of a content you would not be embarrassed to have a judge read (as they can be used against you in a custody evaluation and at trial)
  • No drug or alcohol use: you may be required by the court to take a drug screen
  • Do not go to bars or nightclubs with friends/girlfriends/boyfriends (as any activity maybe documented and used against you at trial)
  • If your license has been revoked or suspended, no driving 
  • No fighting or encounters with the other parent when you are at exchanges
  • If you are having issues at exchanges, document the exchanges via video
  • No illegal activity: do not get arrested
  • If the other party has alleged that you have a drug or alcohol issue – obtain a drug screen every thirty (30) days during the duration of the divorce
  • Do not test “dirty” on any drug screen
  • Note that your activities may be documented by a private investigator and used at trial

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY.  GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY. 

Custody is a sensitive topic in divorce cases. Child custody mediation will put your child first and set you up for a healthy co-parenting relationship. With an experienced attorney and mediator like Laurie Schmitt, you will be able to navigate your new family dynamic with clear understanding and communication. Looking for a professional and experienced family law attorney, contact us online or give us a call at (616) 608-4634. At Schmitt Law, PLLC our commitment is to you!