Laurie Schmitt Family Law

W. Michigan family law specializing in Collaborative Divorce

616.608.4634

Post Divorce

The Importance of Preserving a Relationship With Your Former Spouse When There Are Children

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Can preserving a relationship with your former spouse even be accomplished? Yes, it can, and successfully.

Why is it important to preserve a relationship with your former spouse? So that you can raise emotionally healthy children.

How do I go about preserving a relationship with someone I divorced? After all, we are divorced for a reason. The following are common sense ideas on how and why you should preserve your relationship with your former spouse:

Preserving relationship with spouse
  • Would you really speak to someone at your dentist’s office the way you speak to your former spouse? Act as if you are interacting with someone in a business relationship – be cordial and polite. I didn’t say it’s required to respect your former spouse. But you can interact with them in an appropriate way.
  • Don’t let your former spouse push your buttons, nor should you push theirs. It’s true that there is no better person to know how to get us angry in a second. However, it will serve no greater good in the long run to engage in negative back-and-forth behavior. It’s time to move from the past and make a paradigm shift…that we need to be good people to raise good children.
  • Be a good role model for your children…yes, they are watching and listening to both of you.
  • Why must everything a battle? Learn to compromise.
  • Don’t let significant others or spouses get in the way of maintaining a positive relationship with your former spouse. It will benefit your current relationship if you reduce the friction with your former spouse. Who wants to go on date night and listen to you spend the entire evening complaining about your former spouse.
  • Yes, there will be different rules and lifestyles at your former spouse’s home then you may have at your home. Accept that you do not have control or influence on how your former spouse lives, nor how they raise the children during their parenting time.
  • Try and respect the decisions your former spouse makes regarding the children during their parenting time. If it benefits the children, then support the decision.

To summarize, if you maintain a civil relationship with your former spouse, the children will be the winners. It’s important to look into the future and know that children grow up and become adults.  If you create a healthy relationship with your former spouse now while the children are young, there is a greater likelihood that your children will want both of you at their extracurricular events, their high school graduation, their college graduation, and their wedding.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation.  Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Pet Visitation Post Divorce

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There are many cases in which parties must address the division of their pets.  Often times, the parties have agreed as to which party will retain the family pets. And, with the agreement of who will retain the family pets the parties want to enter into a visitation agreement allowing the other party to have visitation rights with the family pets. The parties look to their attorneys to craft a pet visitation agreement, with the terms being defined in the Judgement of Divorce.

IN MICHIGAN, PETS ARE PERSONAL PROPERTY

Pet visitation

The reality is that in the State of Michigan, pets are considered personal property. As such, the court wants a complete division of all personal property at the time the Judgment of Divorce is entered by the Court.

As two people cannot be awarded the same personal property, the Judgment of Divorce would state that one party is hereby awarded the parties’ pet as their sole and separate property free and clear of any claims by the other party.

What this means to parties entering into a pet visitation agreement is that the Court would not uphold language associated with a pet visitation agreement. Therefore, if parties wish to enter into pet visitation agreements, they should do so with the understanding that the terms would not be enforced by the Court.

DRAFTING A FAIR AGREEMENT

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we understand how difficult it is for divorcing couples to divide pets. With that said, we try to craft an agreement that is fair and equitable for each party. However, we are careful to clearly advise clients that any pet visitation agreement is not binding and enforceable through the court.

We will place language in the Judgment of Divorce that it is the parties’ intent to follow the spirit of their agreement. It is the hope that with these statements in the Judgment of Divorce the parties will voluntarily uphold the terms of their agreement.

In summary, until such time as our laws recognize pets as more than personal property, pets remain divisible by the courts as personal property. And no matter how creative the parties and their attorneys could be in drafting a pet visitation agreement, they will likely not be enforced by any court in the State of Michigan.

IF YOU ARE READY TO MOVE FORWARD, CALL SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR ASSISTANCE.  GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Financial Recovery After A Divorce – How Do I Start Over Again?

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After a long-term marriage, many people find themselves in the midst of a divorce. Their immediate concern is how will this divorce impact them financially — how will they financially start over again. Perhaps they are wondering how they will support themselves post-divorce, or how they will recoup their losses after the division of retirement accounts and other assets.

Clients come into the initial interview completely overwhelmed and expect to find all of the answers. When working with clients who are dissolving a long-term marriage, it is important to take it one step at a time, and work together to resolve their concerns.

Financial Recovery and starting over

Clients who have been in a long-term marriage may not have been the major breadwinner, or may have never worked, and now have a limited earning ability. Many times, there is one spouse who is predominant in handling the finances, leaving the other spouse “in the dark”.

In these cases, we must carefully review the assets of the parties. The first step is to put together a list of the assets, and their respective values. If a client is unaware of the assets, or their respective values, we can work together to obtain the missing information so that we have a snapshot of the assets and their respective values.

It is important in a long-term marriage to determine if spousal support is appropriate, and to calculate what the amount and duration may be. A review of retirement accounts and/or pensions must be made. Parties often overlook the smaller assets such as equity in vehicles, boats, campers, snowmobiles, and other recreational vehicles, as well as valuing any silver, gold, and other coin or stamp collections.

It is also suggested that parties counsel with an expert such as a financial advisor or accountant who can determine their financial objectives, earnings, and expenditures and help them to design an appropriate financial plan post-divorce.

After review of the assets, debts, and potential spousal support award, clients can better understand what their potential financial outcome will be post-divorce, allowing them to make decisions moving forward.

CONTACT AN EXPERIENCED DIVORCE ATTORNEY IN GRAND RAPIDS, MI

Divorce can be emotional and messy, and it’s natural for anyone going through a divorce to want to protect their financial interests. Maintaining an objective view of the situation can be difficult when you are struggling with complex emotional issues and personal tensions in your divorce. As an experienced Michigan divorce lawyer, Schmitt Law, PLLC can help you maintain control over your property in divorce, and provide detailed guidance and support throughout every step of the process. The right attorney can increase the likelihood of you securing a favorable outcome to property division in your divorce.

Ten Things “Not to Do Next” in Your Divorce

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Ten Things “Not to Do Next” in Your Divorce

You’ve heard it a million times that going through a divorce is difficult. As a West Michigan Divorce Attorney, I can state that divorce is full of challenging moments. However, with some common sense, you can avoid some common divorce pitfalls by following a few basic rules:

  1. Don’t start a new relationship. Well, Duh! Need I say more. Respect the current relationship and see it to the end. Don’t confuse your children with introductions to new “friends” while in the midst of the divorce. Judges don’t appreciate it, as it shows a lack of good judgment. And it will only fuel the fire in the divorce proceeding. If this is a person you intend to have a serious relationship with at the conclusion of the divorce, then they will understand that this is not the appropriate time to be introduced to the children.
  2. Couch surfing sucks! Don’t move out of the marital home without a plan. Changes will happen as you go through your divorce, so be prepared to deal with life as it comes at you. The biggest change clients struggle with is adapting to living on a now single income. During this turbulent time, you need to provide stability for your children. That means you need to provide an appropriate home for them while going through the divorce. So, don’t jump the gun and move out of the marital home without a solid financial plan, and a safe place for your children to visit or live.
  3. Don’t share the details of your divorce with your children. Divorce doesn’t mean hide the fact that you are going through a divorce from your children. But there are certain facts that should remain between adults. Allow your children to be children for as long as possible. Remember, the changes taking place in your life are also taking place in theirs. It’s hard enough for children to cope with major life changes. They certainly shouldn’t be burdened with adult conversation and information about the divorce. Adult conversation is just that!
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  1. Your children are not the Pony Express. Don’t use your children as a go between to relay messages to your spouse. If you are unable to speak to your spouse civilly, then hire an attorney to assist you. It will be their job to communicate with your spouse or spouse’s attorney during the divorce. But, don’t use your children as a form of communication between each other.
  2.  It wasn’t immaculate conception! Don’t think that because you are divorcing, you are the only parent. The children have two parents – and always will. Don’t force them to choose between their parents. They love both of you. So, avoid putting them in the middle of the hostility and anger.
  3. Your children are not Olympic gold medal winners! Don’t use extra-curricular activities to monopolize your children’s free time. If they didn’t participate in the activity while you were married, they most likely don’t need to participate in the activity while the divorce is pending. Now is not the time to enroll them in an excessive amount of activities, especially if these activities take place on your spouse’s parenting time. If you can’t agree on extra-curricular activities, the rule should be that parenting time with the other parent is far more important than participation in an extra-curricular activity.
  4. It’s not your way or the highway! We all know divorce is hard on children. It is hard enough for the children to acclimate to living in two households. Respect that there are now two households for the children, with two sets of rules. Although consistency is ideal, you can’t expect your soon to be ex-spouse to share in your beliefs and rules regarding discipline.
  5. Avoid purchasing big ticket items while going through your divorce. It’s not the time to buy a new car or home. Wait until the dust settles, and you’ve reached a settlement agreement with your spouse. Your spouse could claim that you used marital money to finance your new car or home. It then may become a marital asset to be divided in the divorce.
  6. Pay your bills. You need to continue to meet your obligations. If it is a joint debt, you remain obligated. There is life after divorce. And the consequences of your decisions during your divorce will follow you afterwards. Some people believe that getting a divorce means walking away from marital debt and starting over. No! You still have responsibilities – meet them.
  7. Your bartender is not your counselor! Use discretion when talking about your divorce. Don’t over-share all the details of your divorce with your friends and colleagues. Refrain from making every conversation about the trials and tribulations of your divorce. Some things are better left private. And, after the divorce, you want your friends to be standing by you.