Issues Concerning Children

Is It Best To Delay Our Divorce Until Our Children Are Grown?

March 9, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Potential clients come into the office seeking legal advice regarding a divorce. At times, I hear that maybe it’s best they wait until their children are grown before they divorce. These parents justify their position to wait and stay married until the children are grown for many reasons, as follows:

They can avoid the custody battle that they are sure will take place
They will be able to provide the children a more stable environment if they stay married
They will not have to uproot the children from the only home they have ever known
They will not have to relocate the children to a new school

It’s admirable to put your children’s needs first when it comes to a divorce. However, are you making the right decision when you decide to stay in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage until your children are grown? The truth is that while divorce does impact your children, it’s how you and your spouse handle yourselves during the divorce that matters. How well your children get through the changes depends on how well you help them through the process. What can you do to help your children through your divorce:

You can eliminate the conflict with your ex (at least while in the presence of your children)
To the best of your ability, keep your children’s schedules and routines the same as it was while you were married
Make sure that the children know you and your spouse love them and that they were not the reason for your divorce
Promote with your children that it is alright to love both you and your ex.
Address your anger and frustration with the divorce and your ex. Your children learn from your actions, and parrot back your behaviors.

There never is a perfect time to divorce. However, if you stay in your marriage, are you and your spouse able to provide the children with an emotionally safe and stable environment? Or, do you and your spouse argue, fight, or worse yet engage in the silent treatment with each other – all in ear shot of the children? When you are trying to decide to divorce verses stay married, you need to look at all of the circumstances and weigh the good against the bad.

How your children handle your divorce depends on how well you and your spouse work together towards a positive outcome in your divorce. What you decide to do will depend on your specific circumstances. Children are resilient. And perhaps what’s best is to provide them with two happy homes verses one filled with anxiety.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

What Not To Do If You Are In A Custody Battle

January 31, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

It’s a commonplace when you’re fighting for your rights as a parent to have anger and resentment against the other parent. You feel you are being kept away from your child. You feel that everything you do is being held against you. You feel that you are living under a microscope. And most of all, you are scared that you may not be awarded the time you deserve with your child.

Many parents struggle with the feelings you may be going through. However, if you are in a custody battle, the worst thing you can do it let the other parent lure you into making bad decisions that will haunt you. The decisions you make now, may be the very decisions the judge uses against you when they rule on legal and physical custody of your child.

WHAT BAD DECISIONS SHOULD YOU PREVENT?

Don’t take the bait! If you are fighting for your rights as a parent, the following is a short list of behaviors to steer clear of:

Do not send foul emails or texts to the to the other parent. Two easy rules to remember: (1) communicate effectively with the other parent, or not at all. (2) Always say to yourself, “do I want the judge seeing this text or email?”. If it’s in writing, it may be used against you in court!
Don’t use your emotions to justify your bad behavior against the other parent. Because the other parent is acting badly does not mean that you need to respond in kind. There are only so many times your attorney can smooth things over with opposing counsel or the judge before all credibility is lost.
Don’t respond to negative communication. If communication from the other parent does not justify a response, or elicits a negative response from you, then do not respond. If a response is required, then take a step back and respond when you are able to do so appropriately.

ARE YOUR EMOTIONS RUNNING WILD?

Perhaps you should seek counseling or join a support group to help you through this. There is no shame in seeking help from a professional (or getting together in a support group with people going through similar matters). They can help you process and manage your feelings, and manage how you respond to her. The key is when you are upset, say nothing to the other parent. You can respond to them when you see fit (if at all). If your communication to them is filled with anger, and much of it is unnecessary (off topic from your child), then seek help.

Note…the judge will take into consideration how you communicate with the other parent when it comes to their decision about legal custody. How do you want the judge to view you…a good parent who loves their child…or an angry parent seeking revenge.

DOES YOUR BEHAVIOR REQUIRE MODIFICATION?

This question can only be answered by you looking deep within.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, I want to be effective as your attorney. And to be effective, Schmitt Law, PLLC expects parents to be respectful and appropriate with the other parent. If you are not willing to modify how you address the other parent, I will be completely ineffective in helping you achieve your goals. It is your choice how your custody case moves forward. If you keep in front of you what is really important…your child and your time with them…it would never be a struggle or burden to modify inappropriate behavior. Schmitt Law, PLLC will do my part to fight for you. But what I ask in return is appropriate behavior from my clients.

GRAND RAPIDS CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we help parents work together to create a parenting plan that is in the best interests of your children. Through mediation, collaboration, or litigation, if necessary, our knowledgeable Michigan family law attorney will be your advocate and help you through this difficult time. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact us online or call (616) 608-4634.

How Can Adult Children Impact Their Parents’ Divorce?

December 27, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

The divorce process is hard enough for couples to navigate without third-party interference. However, when the third-party interference is your adult children, it can be a sticky situation.

More and more, adult children are getting involved in their parents’ divorce. This is not to say adult children should not support their parents through this difficult process. This article addresses adult children who take their involvement to an extreme. The adult children being referenced are ones that feel compelled to take sides, and consequently interfere with the divorce process. They attempt to run the show by interjecting their opinions when unnecessary, trying to make decisions for their parents, demanding to attend meetings with the attorney and parent, and expecting information from the attorney to pass through them directly. They treat the parent as if they do not have the capacity to make their own decisions when nothing is further from the truth.

What is the outcome when adult children take a such a strong position in their parents’ divorce? It causes the parents to get stirred up and/or stay stirred up, negatively impacting settlement for the divorcing couple. If divorcing couples are not given a chance to calm themselves and start working through the issues presented in their divorce, it delays the divorce process. More time will pass before the divorce can conclude, and more money will be spent.

What is the solution? The divorcing couple need to gain control and inform their adult children that they do not need such hands-on assistance in their divorce. Let your adult children know that you have competent legal representation that will guide them through the journey. Now this is easier said than done when you have adult children who feel so strongly about taking a position in their parents’ divorce. Whatever good intentions adult children may have about their involvement, often times simply causes more pain. There is nothing worse than your own child taking a position again you. And not only taking a position against you but actively involving themselves in your divorce process.

This is not to minimize that adult children experience sadness, anger, sense of loss, or confusion regarding their parents’ divorce. But if you would rather maintain control of your divorce, build boundaries with your adult children from the onset of your divorce. Perhaps your adult children will feel less likely to be the director of your divorce if: (1) you are careful about what information you share with them, (2) don’t make them feel they must take sides, and (3) don’t make your adult children your only sounding board about the struggles of your divorce, Don’t lean on your adult children exclusively as your support – showing them you can handle this situation without their hands on involvement.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you filed for divorce, or are considering filing in the near future, contact the Michigan family law attorney at Schmitt Law, PLLC. We have extensive experience handling all types of Michigan divorce cases and the related issues that frequently come up in the divorce process, including spousal support, child custody, and child support. We provide custom-tailored legal advice and solutions for clients. To learn more about how we can help you through the divorce

How Detailed Should A Parenting Plan Be In A Judgment?

November 21, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Your judgment of divorce is a legally enforceable document that determines each of your rights and responsibilities as a parent. When it comes to parenting plan, language contained in your judgment of divorce, you want to have clear and concise language. A judgment of divorce with inadequate language regarding parenting time may create conflict between the parents that cannot be clearly resolved by the judge.

When agreeing on parenting time language for your judgment of divorce, you should select language that cannot be interpreted in several ways. After all, if either party finds the need to seek assistance from the court, you want the parenting plan language to be upheld in court. If the language can be interpreted more than one way, it is “vague”, and judges cannot uphold vague language. And vague language leads to post-divorce litigation and expense.

Your parenting plan may include considerations that are specific to your children and your family. Remember, that a good parenting pan should thoroughly address all of the known issues that are involved. The following are some general rules to follow when selecting parenting plan language:

Never use the language “as agreed upon by the parties” as the only language to define your parenting plan. Parenting plans should be specific and detailed. If you are getting along, you are free to make decisions regarding parenting time. However, specific language placed in the judgment becomes the fallback plan when parents are unable to agree.
Your parenting plan language can be as specific as you need it to be, to prevent any misinterpretation of the language.
Specifically define your weekly parenting time (identifying the days of the week and start and ending times for each visit).
Identify what day, time, and location will you exchange the children for parenting time.
Identify your holiday parenting plan, listing each holiday, and the start and ending time of the visits.
Avoid language that is vague and leaves unanswered questions.

Your parenting plan cannot predict conflicts that may arise post-divorce. However, by using specific parenting plan language in your judgment of divorce, parents can clearly identify what their parenting time are. And should post-divorce litigation become necessary, detailed language in judgments of divorce assists the judge in making a determination on motions filed about parenting time.

When it comes to a parenting plan, do it right the first time and avoid unnecessary future litigation.

CHILDREN ARE FIRST. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC we understand that the interests of your children always come first. Whatever your situation, Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced, sympathetic and willing to help you achieve the best outcome for your entire family. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Divorce And Child Custody: The Right Of First Refusal

November 7, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

It’s great when divorcing couples control the terms of the outcome of their divorce. And many couples ask about their right to be the first to be called when the other party requires child care – they want to be the one to provide all child care without the other party using a third party.

This is what is called “right of first refusal” – when one party must contact the other allowing them to provide child care before the use of a third party. However, most judges will not approve a “right of first refusal” provision in judgments, even if the parties agree to it in a consent judgment of divorce.

Why do judges dislike a “right of first refusal” provision? Because judges believe that a “right of first refusal” provision is nothing more than one party micromanaging the other party (their time and their decisions regarding the children).

The biggest issue for judges is how are they going to uphold a right of first refusal provision. How do parties decide clear language of a “right of first refusal” provision? It requires a determination of when the provision goes into effect. Just how many hours must one parent intend to be unavailable before the provision should go into effect. And that’s not an easy determination, nor easy for the judge to address post-divorce.

A “right of first refusal” provision becomes a highly litigated post judgment issue that judges do not want to continually address. The parties tend to abuse the provision believing every time the other parent leaves the house, they should be given the right to watch the children. Parties that ask or demand that a “right of first refusal” provision be placed in a judgment are the very people who should not have such a provision.

In conclusion, it is not likely that judges will agree to a right of first refusal provision in your judgment. Once divorced, you each have the right to make day to day decisions for the children, to include the choice of daycare. This means that each of you may select your own daycare provider, and will not be required to use the same daycare provider during your parenting time.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or, contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Is It Time To Revisit Your Parenting Time Plan?

October 27, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

It may have been years since your last order establishing parenting time was entered by the court. The children are getting older, and/or things have changed in your life, and your parenting time plan no longer makes sense for the children or for you. If this is the case, it may be time to revisit your parenting time plan.

When you originally established your parenting time plan, the children were younger. Now, they may be in high school, may be driving, may have part time jobs, or may be involved in extra-curricular activities. And your parenting time plan does not account for these changes in life.

Perhaps when your order for parenting time was entered, your situation was different than it is now, and you are in a better place to exercise more parenting time. Or, you or your ex have moved, and your existing parenting time plan does not work for either of you or the children.

Or, you and your ex have voluntarily been deviating from your original order, and you want a new order that reflects these changes.

If you and your ex are able to agree on a new parenting time plan, you can enter into a stipulated order (an order in which both parents agree to the terms). It is then signed by the judge, and replaces the original order. If you are not able to agree, parents have the right to request the court to change their parenting time orders, if it is in the best interest of the children.

If you have questions about your right to request the court to make changes to your existing parenting time order, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC.

EXPERIENCED CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that parenting time issues can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable parenting time settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or, contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Violating The Terms of Your Custody Order

August 12, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

IT’S NOT VOLUNTARY TO FOLLOW THE TERMS OF A CUSTODY ORDER

No parent has the right to violate the term of their custody order. If you believe the terms of your custody order is no longer in the best interest of your child, then take action and ask the court to change the custody order. Ask the judge for relief before you make a unilateral decision to violate the terms of your custody order. It’s much easier to ask permission from the court then to beg for forgiveness of the court.

Just remember, judges do not look favorably at parents who take matters into their own hands and take actions that are contrary to their court orders. So, before you make decisions that conflict with the terms of your custody order, consider the consequences.

WHAT IS CONSIDERED A VIOLATION OF A CUSTODY ORDER?

Refusing to exchange the child on time.
Refusing the other parent their court awarded parenting time.
Refusing to return the child after your parenting time has ended.
Refusing to follow the rules of joint legal custody. If you share joint legal custody you must consult with the other parent and attempt to agree before major decisions are made affecting the minor child’s education, enrichment activities, camp, travel, and medical problems.
Taking action to prohibit the other parent from accessing school, psychological, dental, and medical records.
Any other action that contradicts specific terms of your custody order.

WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO ME IF I VIOLATE A CUSTODY ORDER

If you violate your custody order and are found in contempt of court, you would be subject to sanctions such as:

Being ordered to pay a fine to the court
Being ordered to give the other parent makeup parenting time
Jail

It the worst violations, or repeated violations, the court could consider a change in custody and/or parenting time.

WHAT IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY THAT REQUIRES ME TO VIOLATE THE TERMS OF MY CUSTODY ORDER?

The court has a process to address true emergencies. They are called ex parte motions.

If an emergency has arisen, and you believe an immediate change in parenting time is required, then file an ex parte motion and request the judge for the specific relief that will temporarily protect the children. Filing an ex parte motion can be achieved quickly, so there is no need to violate your custody order. Once again, ask the court for relief before you violate the terms of your custody order, not after.

CUSTODY ATTORNEY

The Importance of Preserving a Relationship With Your Former Spouse When There Are Children

July 20, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Can preserving a relationship with your former spouse even be accomplished? Yes, it can, and successfully.

Why is it important to preserve a relationship with your former spouse? So that you can raise emotionally healthy children.

How do I go about preserving a relationship with someone I divorced? After all, we are divorced for a reason. The following are common sense ideas on how and why you should preserve your relationship with your former spouse:

Would you really speak to someone at your dentist’s office the way you speak to your former spouse? Act as if you are interacting with someone in a business relationship – be cordial and polite. I didn’t say it’s required to respect your former spouse. But you can interact with them in an appropriate way.
Don’t let your former spouse push your buttons, nor should you push theirs. It’s true that there is no better person to know how to get us angry in a second. However, it will serve no greater good in the long run to engage in negative back-and-forth behavior. It’s time to move from the past and make a paradigm shift…that we need to be good people to raise good children.
Be a good role model for your children…yes, they are watching and listening to both of you.
Why must everything a battle? Learn to compromise.
Don’t let significant others or spouses get in the way of maintaining a positive relationship with your former spouse. It will benefit your current relationship if you reduce the friction with your former spouse. Who wants to go on date night and listen to you spend the entire evening complaining about your former spouse.
Yes, there will be different rules and lifestyles at your former spouse’s home then you may have at your home. Accept that you do not have control or influence on how your former spouse lives, nor how they raise the children during their parenting time.
Try and respect the decisions your former spouse makes regarding the children during their parenting time. If it benefits the children, then support the decision.

To summarize, if you maintain a civil relationship with your former spouse, the children will be the winners. It’s important to look into the future and know that children grow up and become adults. If you create a healthy relationship with your former spouse now while the children are young, there is a greater likelihood that your children will want both of you at their extracurricular events, their high school graduation, their college graduation, and their wedding.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Issues Concerning Children

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