Laurie Schmitt Family Law

W. Michigan family law specializing in Collaborative Divorce

616.608.4634

Collaborative Divorce

The Do’s and Don’ts of Communication With The Other Parent

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 The unintended consequence of divorce often produces the inability of parents to effectively communicate about the children.  The end result is that parents often place the children in the middle of the continual war.  The goal should be to raise healthy and happy children, not to place them between adult hostility.  Both parents need to be informed about important issues regarding the children, and parents need to develop a way to communicate with each other for the well being of the children.  

The following are some of the largest issues between divorced parties:
  • Do: inform the other parent of medical issues regarding the children that take place during your parenting time
  • Don’t: attempt to hide medical issues regarding the children.  This is a behavior that is not in the best interest of the children.
  • Do: inform the other parent about special school, church, and extra-curricular events that the children will be participating in
  • Don’t: tell the other parent about these events at the last minute in an attempt to effectively prevent them from attending
  • Do: discuss with the other parent enrollment in extra-curricular events prior to enrolling the children, especially if these events will take place during the other parent’s time
  • Don’t: enroll the children in so many extra-curricular activities that it negatively impacts the other’s parent time with the children. Each parent should be allowed to have meaningful time with the children.
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  • Do: focus your future conversations with the other parent about the children, not about what caused you to seek a divorce.
  • Don’t: engage in non-productive conversations with the other parent.  There is no need to continue living through your divorce.
Parent do’s and don’ts
  • Do: be respectful in your conversations with the other parents, especially when the children are present.
  • Don’t: argue or engage in name calling with the other parent when the children are present.  This happens often during exchanges, and creates much anxiety in the children. Fake it until you can make it!
  • Do: respect that each parent has created a new life, to include a new lifestyle and rules for the children.
  • Don’t: disparage the other parent’s lifestyle or home life with the children
  • Do: try and work together to enforce and support common sense rules for the children in both homes.
  • Don’t: belittle the rules and enforcement of those rules at the other parent’s home.  This simply creates confusion with the children.
  • Do: talk to the other parent about school related issues or challenges that the children may be having
  • Don’t: decide the other parent does not need to be informed about school related issues. The children will benefit when both parents take an active role in the children’s education.

For assistance with your divorce and to learn more about how to develop positive communication with the other parent, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to schedule an appointment.

How to Prepare for the Initial Consultation with a Divorce Attorney

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How to Prepare for the Initial Consultation with a Divorce Attorney

You’ve made the decision to seek advice from a divorce attorney. You’ve made the appointment. What preparation should you take to use your time efficiently at the consultation? The initial consultation various from attorney to attorney. However, most divorce consultations include a discussion of the divorce process, custody, parenting time, financial matters, and attorneys fees and costs.

So how should you prepare for this consultation? There are many steps you can take to make sure your first meeting is as productive and useful as possible.

  1. Prepare a list of questions. Many clients are unsure what to ask, or are so overwhelmed they simply forget what they wanted to ask. The interview is much more effective if it can be tailored to your specific needs. That way, you are assured to leave the interview with the information you need. What are your concerns? Do you worry about how you will support the children and pay the bills during the divorce? Is your spouse telling you that you must move out of the marital home before the completion of the divorce?
  2. Compile your financial data to include your assets and liabilities. Be prepared for financial questions from your divorce attorney. Come to the first meeting prepared to tell the attorney what you own, and what you owe. Arrive with copies of your available financial records to include tax returns, mortgage statements, credit card statements, retirement account statements, paystubs, business records, and any other document relating to your financial situation. Do you know how much is in your spouse’s retirement account, or what your mortgage balance is? Do you know the names and balances of your credit cards?
  3. Prepare a list of background information. Your list should contain names, addresses, social security numbers, and employer information for both you and your spouse, the names and birth dates of your children, and the name of the medical insurance provider for you and your children. Do you know the name and policy number of the children’s medical provider? Do you know the children’s social security numbers?
  4. Prepare a goals list. Outline what you want at the conclusion of the divorce proceeding. It may be impossible to know your exact expectations prior to consulting at attorney. Hence, this list may not be all-inclusive. However, it is important to convey to the attorney your current expectations regarding custody, parenting time, and the division of the marital assets. Are you seeking custody of the minor children? Do you want to keep the marital home?
  5. Discuss a budget with your attorney. Every divorce is unique. However, a candid conversation with the attorney about fees and costs is necessary Your interview should include a discussion about the attorney’s hourly fee, their retainer fee, and any costs related to your case. To avoid disappointment, go into the relationship with a full understanding of your financial responsibilities. What is the attorney’s retainer fee? Will you be responsible to pay for travel costs, copies and postage?

Common Divorce Questions: I’ve Told My Spouse I Want A Divorce, Now What?

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Common Divorce Questions: I’ve Told My Spouse I Want A Divorce, Now What?

The first visit between a client and attorney will often begin with the client announcing, “I’ve told my spouse I want a divorce.  Now what?”  At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we first inform the client of their rights and responsibilities and then go over the most important aspects of how to proceed.

1) Filing the Complaint for Divorce

The first thing to consider is when to file the complaint for divorce petition and how it should be served on the non-filing spouse.  We encourage the client to respect their spouse, enough to tell them before they are served with divorce papers that, “I’ve retained an attorney and will be filing for divorce.”  Then, work out how to officially serve the spouse.

This will make the process smoother than if the first time the spouse hears about the divorce is from a process server.  If the spouse agrees to accept service voluntarily, we can even mail them the petition.

2) The Discovery List

We provide our clients with a list of documents we need to proceed with the divorce.  The more information the client can give us the easier it will be to proceed.  It is a comprehensive and extensive list and includes the need for all financial documents.  For example:

  • Tax returns.
  • Bank statements.
  • Financial documents showing retirement accounts, pensions, IRAs, 401(k)s, and similar accounts.
  • Deeds to real estate.
  • Financial documents from a business or professional practice.

It may take a while for client to pull these documents together.  If the client does not have access to these documents, then I get them from the other spouse or that spouse’s attorney.

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3) Choosing a Divorce Process

There are options for how the divorce process can proceed.  One choice is Collaborative Divorce.  We give our clients two copies of a flyer about Collaborative Divorce, one for the client and one for the spouse.  We also provide information about a website that has detailed information about how the collaborative process works and names of attorneys in their area who practice collaboratively.

If we decide to use the Collaborative Divorce process, then we do not file the petition until the attorneys are on board with the process.

After the other spouse has retained an attorney, we will talk over the phone about how to move forward.  If the collaborative process is not going to work, then we talk about the options of filing the petition.

Even if the parties decide against using the collaborative process, Kent County has made it mandatory that for the couple to go through mediation before they can get to a final hearing.

For more information, contact me, Laurie Schmitt, at Schmitt Law, PLLC.  I am an Attorney, Mediator, and Collaborative Divorce lawyer.

Collaborative Divorce – A Better Way

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Collaborative Divorce - A Better Way

Divorcing couples are often unaware of how a Collaborative Divorce works.  They gravitate toward traditional litigation because that is what they know.  At Schmitt Law, PLLC, one of the options is the Collaborative Divorce process which allows the couple to divorce dignity and be effective co-parents in their new life as single parents.

Why I Believe in Collaborative Divorce

Traditional litigation is an adversarial process pitting one party against another each trying to “win” the case they present to the court.  A Collaborative Divorce is designed to put control into the hands of the couple themselves.  They resolve their issues together without court intervention.  There are many advantages to a Collaborative Divorce:

  • The couple maintains control of the process.  There is an open exchange of ideas.  They can reach a fair and equitable child-centered resolution without needing a court to decide for them.  In litigation, when a couple cannot agree on custody and visitation, courts are charged with the duty to make decisions that are in the best interest of the children, but a judge will never know the family as well as they know themselves.
  • The couple maintains personal dignity and respect.  They can co-parent effectively after the divorce.  They make the decisions themselves about how much time each parent spends with the children, how they will spend holidays, and how they will manage the children’s extra-curricular activities.
  • Experts are available to help with decision-making.  A team of qualified experts are available to assist the couple in decision-making.  For example, a financial neutral will help with tax implications of a settlement, possible spousal support and can give direction on reasonable child support options.  The financial neutral also creates post-divorce financial models for each party to give them a clear picture of their budget options.  Child Specialists can help with childcare decisions.  Counselors can help work through communication issues that may be blocking how to solve what may seem like insurmountable disagreements.
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  • It is confidential.  Nothing is filed with the court except the Consent Judgement of Divorce.  Financial documents and other personal information is not filed with the court as it is in litigation.
  • It can be less expensive.  A Collaborative Divorce avoids the expense of litigation since only one set of experts are retained.  The couple commits to full disclosure instead of going through a lengthy, back-and-forth fact-finding process of litigation.  There is only one court hearing where Judgement of Divorce is presented for the signature of the judge.  It then becomes the final divorce decree.

For more information about how the Collaborative Divorce process can work for you, contact me, Laurie Schmitt, Attorney at Law, at Schmitt Law, PLLC, by calling 616-608-4634.