Laurie Schmitt Family Law

W. Michigan family law specializing in Collaborative Divorce

(616) 310-4975

Communication

Communication With Your Attorney

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It is important in the early stages of your relationship with your attorney to understand and agree to the preferred method of contact between you and your attorney.  Do they prefer emails, texts, or telephone calls?  If you establish an agreement about communication when you retain your attorney, you will find that communication, and responses to your communication will be more efficient.

Communication with your attorney

Also, in the initial interview I inform clients that if they are going to be communicating with me from an email account, they should never use their work email account.  When you communicate through a work email account, there is no expectation of privacy.  What does that mean to the client?  That means that any communication you have with your attorney may not be confidential.  Your employer may have access to your email account.  And, because you may not have any expectation of privacy from that email account, it may not be considered by the court to be confidential.  If your email account is not confidential, all communication from it can be subpoenaed by the other attorney and used against you in court.

Similarly, to protect client privacy, clients should open a new secure email account for the sole purpose of communicating with their attorney.  The reason for this safety measure is so your spouse cannot gain access to it.  If you use a former email account, it may be that you spouse has the password to your account, or could guess what it may be.  Open a new account, and password protect it with a password that is obscure, and one that you have never used before.  There is nothing more horrifying than to know all of your email communication between you and your attorney has been compromised by your spouse.

Lastly, in January, 2022, Dearborn police reported that criminals have been attaching a small Apple tracker to people’s vehicles in order to monitor them for stalking or auto theft.  Officials said Apple AirTags — quarter-sized GPS tracking devices designed to help people locate their wallets, car keys and other personal items — are being used to illegally track people and vehicles.  Even though in Michigan, it’s illegal for a citizen to track anyone with a GPS device without their knowledge, it happens not only from criminals but with soon-to-be ex-spouses.  If you have a concern that this will be an issue in your case, you can easily monitor for Apple Tags. This is automatic for iPhones, and clients using Android devices can be advised to download and install the app.

If you have questions about the best methods to communicate with your attorney, or any other questions related to the divorce process, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC and set up an appointment. Give us a call at 616-310-4975.

Rules For Texting, Phone Calls and Social Media

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If you have a contentious relationship with your soon-to-be ex, then the first statement I make to clients is to limit their communication with the other party to texting only, and to essential communication about the children.  If it is not a legitimate issue that must be addressed with the other party, then do not send the text.

Be mindful that anything you text can be brought into court as evidence and used against you in a custody hearing or trial.  Think before you send that text “do I want the judge to see this text?”.

Learn to have self-control when you receive a text that upsets you.  You DO NOT need to respond immediately, or perhaps not at all.  Nothing is gained by keeping the bantering going.  This may sound easy, and I respect that it is not.  It is critical for couples who do not get along to find a way to effectively communicate (leading to effective co-parenting).  And, inappropriate texts/or responses to them can be used against you in court.

Rules for Texting

To address social media, my statement to clients is to not litigate their case on social media sites.  Do not post inappropriate comments or pictures, or any information about your case. The information or pictures you post can be used against you in court. Again, ask yourself “do I want the judge seeing this information or pictures and will this put me in a bad light in front of the judge?”.   Bad behavior on social media sites really cannot be explained away in front of a judge. For additional information about social media see my blog “I want to win custody of my children, but I love Facebook…”.

To summarize, while the other party may poke at you via text or phone calls, this is the time to dig deep and develop self-control about how and when to interact with your spouse.  Learning that you do not need to respond immediately, or at all will lower your anxiety, hopefully reduce the back and forth between the two of you, and will protect you in the event that your case is required to be heard by the judge.

If you have questions about communicating with the other party while going through a divorce or custody battle, or any other questions related to the divorce process, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC and set up an appointment. Give us a call at 616-310-4975.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Communication With The Other Parent

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 The unintended consequence of divorce often produces the inability of parents to effectively communicate about the children.  The end result is that parents often place the children in the middle of the continual war.  The goal should be to raise healthy and happy children, not to place them between adult hostility.  Both parents need to be informed about important issues regarding the children, and parents need to develop a way to communicate with each other for the well being of the children.  

The following are some of the largest issues between divorced parties:
  • Do: inform the other parent of medical issues regarding the children that take place during your parenting time
  • Don’t: attempt to hide medical issues regarding the children.  This is a behavior that is not in the best interest of the children.
  • Do: inform the other parent about special school, church, and extra-curricular events that the children will be participating in
  • Don’t: tell the other parent about these events at the last minute in an attempt to effectively prevent them from attending  
  • Do: discuss with the other parent enrollment in extra-curricular events prior to enrolling the children, especially if these events will take place during the other parent’s time
  • Don’t: enroll the children in so many extra-curricular activities that it negatively impacts the other’s parent time with the children. Each parent should be allowed to have meaningful time with the children.
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  • Do: focus your future conversations with the other parent about the children, not about what caused you to seek a divorce.
  • Don’t: engage in non-productive conversations with the other parent.  There is no need to continue living through your divorce.
Parent do’s and don’ts
  • Do: be respectful in your conversations with the other parents, especially when the children are present.
  • Don’t: argue or engage in name calling with the other parent when the children are present.  This happens often during exchanges, and creates much anxiety in the children. Fake it until you can make it!
  • Do: respect that each parent has created a new life, to include a new lifestyle and rules for the children.
  • Don’t: disparage the other parent’s lifestyle or home life with the children
  • Do: try and work together to enforce and support common sense rules for the children in both homes.
  • Don’t: belittle the rules and enforcement of those rules at the other parent’s home.  This simply creates confusion with the children.
  • Do: talk to the other parent about school related issues or challenges that the children may be having
  • Don’t: decide the other parent does not need to be informed about school related issues. The children will benefit when both parents take an active role in the children’s education.

For assistance with your divorce and to learn more about how to develop positive communication with the other parent, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to schedule an appointment.