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Laurie Schmitt Family Law

W. Michigan family law specializing in Collaborative Divorce

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616-608-4634

  • Home
  • About Laurie Schmitt
    • About Laurie Schmitt Attorney
    • Honors and Awards
  • Divorce
    • Separate Maintenance
    • Spousal Support and Modification
  • Family Law Services
    • Child Custody
    • Paternity
    • Change of Domicile
    • Child Support
    • Post-Judgement Modification
    • Enforcement of Court Orders
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    • Uncontested Divorces
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Issues Concerning Children

Child Support – The Most Frequently Asked Questions

June 10, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

One of the most asked about parenting issues is child support. Clients have many questions and misconceptions about how child support works in Michigan. The following are the some of the top questions clients ask when they meet with Schmitt Law, PLLC. For the purpose of this blog, each question contains a brief answer. However, there can be far more to the story! If you require more detailed answers, please contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to arrange for a consultation to discuss your specific case.

HOW IS CHILD SUPPORT CALCULATED IN MICHIGAN?

child support

In Michigan, child support is calculated using the Michigan Child Support Formula. The Michigan Child Support Formula takes into consideration the following major factors: (1) both parents’ gross incomes, (2) the amount of overnights each parent exercises (3) the number of children to be supported (4) health care costs and (5) daycare costs. There are many other factors that can be taken into consideration in determining a party’s child support obligation. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC for more information about how your child support will be calculated.

WHAT IS CONSIDERED INCOME FOR THE PURPOSE OF CALCULATING CHILD SUPPORT?

Income includes all wages, overtime pay, commissions, bonuses, tips, royalties, interest, dividends, or other monies from all employers. Income also includes earnings from any business, profit sharing, pension or retirement, trust fund, unemployment, or disability insurance. There are many other items that are considered income for the purpose of calculating child support.  Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC for a detailed discussion about what Michigan considers income for the purpose of calculating your child support.

IF I HAVE A CHILD SUPPORT ARREARAGE, CAN I ASK IT TO BE WAIVED?

Neither the court nor Friend of the Court will waive an arrearage unless the parent receiving child support agrees to waive the arrearage. If the parent receiving child support agrees to waive a part or all of the arrearage, they can contact Friend of the Court and sign a document waiving part or all of the arrearage.

WHAT HAPPENS IF I FAIL TO PAY MY CHILD SUPPORT OBLIGATION?

If you fail to make your child support payments, Friend of the Court will take action to enforce the child support order. Some of the consequences for failure to pay support are that you can be  held in contempt of court, your passport can be taken away, your driver’s license can be suspended, other business licenses can be suspended, and you can be sentenced to jail time.

WHEN DOES MY CHILD SUPPORT OBLIGATION END?

In Michigan, child support ends when the child turns 18 years old. However, it can extend to 19.5 years old if the child is still attending high school and lives with the parent receiving the support.

CAN I STOP PAYING CHILD SUPPORT IF I AM BEING DENIED PARENTING TIME?

No! The payment of child support and parenting time are two separate legal matters. If you are not receiving your parenting time as stated in your parenting time order, you need to file a parenting time complaint with Friend of the Court or take action through the court to have your parenting time order enforced.

DO I HAVE A SAY AS TO HOW MY EX SPENDS THE CHILD SUPPORT?

No! There is no specific requirement outlining how the parent receiving child support spends the money. It is assumed that if the child is living with the parent receiving child support, the money is being used for housing, food, and clothing for the child. Child support is for the basic needs of the child, and the parent receiving support may spend the money as they deem appropriate.

DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS RELATED TO CHILD SUPPORT?  GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY. CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC.

If you have questions about how your child support will be calculated, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC.  We partner with our clients to find efficient, effective, and fair solutions. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or by calling (616) 608-4634 for a consultation today.

Filed Under: Collaborative Divorce, Issues Concerning Children Tagged With: Calculation, Child Support, Michigan

How To Prepare For a Custody Mediation

March 24, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

All family law cases are difficult. However, custody cases can be the most challenging for parents. Whether your case is a divorce, child custody, parenting time, or child support case, Mediation offers a less stressful option for couples.

In Mediation, the parties and their attorneys meet with a neutral third party who will assist you in coming to an agreement that is fair and equitable.

Before you attend Mediation, it is important for you and your attorney to prepare. It is also imperative that both the client and attorney have a shared understanding of what outcome the client desires through the Mediation process.

Child Custody Mediation

As this is a difficult time for the client, it is normal to have questions and concerns about the process and outcome. At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we sit down with every client prior to mediation and discuss our strategy. This allows us to be “on the same page” with the client when we attend Mediation.

The following is a checklist that Schmitt Law, PLLC reviews with all clients prior to attending a custody Mediation.  

  • Make sure you have provided copies of all relevant documents to your attorney so that they can have the necessary documents available for mediation.
  • What type of legal custody are you seeking?  Joint or sole?
  • What type of physical custody are you seeking?  Joint or sole?
  • What parenting time schedule are you seeking?  Does your work schedule allow you to exercise parenting time on the schedule you are seeking?  Do you have daycare available if needed?
  • What holiday schedule are you seeking?  The following are the major holidays that Schmitt Law, PLLC typically requests:  New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, July 4, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Child’s birthday, Spring Break, Christmas break, Mother’s or Father’s Day, and any other day important to the client.
  • What type of telephone contact are you seeking?  What days of the week, what time of the day, and for what length of time?
  • Who will provide transportation for pick up and return of the children?
  • Who will claim the child as a dependent under City, State and Federal Taxes?
  • What happens if one or both of the parties require a change in their parenting time schedule?      

And through the mediation process, be sure to put your child’s needs first – prioritize what is best for the child, and what is best for their day-to-day routine. When you place the child first, much of the decisions to follow become easy to make.

Experienced Michigan Child Custody Attorney 

Laurie Schmitt at Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced in family law cases involving visitation and custody. Over the years, I have successfully represented hundreds of clients in complicated cases. For skilled legal guidance, please call Laurie at Schmitt Law, PLC at (616) 608-4634, or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Filed Under: Divorce, Issues Concerning Children, Mediation Tagged With: Custody, Preparing, Strategy

What Are The Rights of Unmarried Parents?

March 14, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Common concerns for unmarried parents are custody, parenting time, and child support.  If parents are not married, how do they go about establishing custody, parenting time, and child support?  These issues are often complicated.  But when parents are unmarried, establishing custody, parenting time, and child support can be even more problematic.

The first thing to know is that when a child is born out of wedlock, sole legal custody and sole physical custody is automatically awarded to the mother.  This means the mother has complete authority to make all decisions regarding the child to include where the child will live, where the child will go to school, health care decisions, and extracurricular decisions.

Unmarried Parents

The award of custody to the mother does not change until the father of the child takes action to establish his rights.  In order for the father to establish custody, parenting time, and child support, parentage must be established.

Parentage can be established through an affidavit of parentage.  This may be signed by the parties at the time of birth of the child, or any time afterwards.

If an affidavit of parentage was not signed, then the father must establish his rights to the child through a DNA test. Either party may file a petition to establish paternity (mother of child, someone identified as the father, or someone who believes he is the father).

The court then grants either party an order requiring the father, mother, and minor child to complete a DNA test.  After a valid DNA test has been completed, and the results deem a specific man to the father, then the father can request the court to establish his rights to the child (custody, parenting time, and child support).

If the father does not believe a paternity test is necessary, then he must seek to have the court enter an order of filiation.  An order of filiation is a court order declaring a man to be the biological father of a child born outside a marriage.  Once an order of filiation has been entered by the court, the court now has jurisdiction to decide the matters of custody, parenting time, and child support on behalf of the father.

It is important to note that once the father is legally deemed the father of the child, he will now be financially responsible to provide for the child in the form of child support.

As the father of a child born outside of a marriage, it is critical to take action immediately.  Each passing day means you and your child will not receive time together to establish an important parent-child bond. As the mother of a child born outside of marriage, each passing day means you and your child will not receive the financial support you deserve.

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS – WE CAN HELP

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we help parents work together to create a parenting plan that is in the best interests of your children.  Through mediation, collaboration, or litigation, if necessary, our knowledgeable Michigan family law attorney will be your advocate and help you through this difficult time. We know your legal issues are unique and special.  Call us, we will listen. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634.

Filed Under: Issues Concerning Children, Other Family Law Issues Tagged With: Children, Custody

How Is Child Support Calculated In The State of Michigan?

March 4, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

In the State of Michigan, child support is established reviewing several factors.  These factors are entered into a software program, used to calculate who will pay support, and how much they will pay.  The party paying support is known as the payor, and the party receiving support is known as the payee.

The following is a quick breakdown of the major factors used to calculate a child support obligation:

1.  Income of the parties.  The gross income of the parties is entered and the software program calculates the party’s net income (net income means all income minus the tax deductions).  The list is much more comprehensive than what is included here.  But, for the purpose of this blog it includes the most common types of income. Income includes wages, overtime pay, commissions, bonuses, tips, military specialty pay (to include allowances for quarters and rations).  If one party owns a business, all earnings generated from a business are considered.  And, any distributed profits or payments from profit-sharing, a pension or retirement are considered. In essence, if you earn it, it is considered income for the purpose of calculating child support.

2.  Child Care Expense.  The actual cost of child care is entered into the software program to allocate each parent’s percentage share of that obligation.  The more child support being paid, the more child support that will be paid by the payor.  The actual cost of child care must be documented and a form must be completed by the daycare provider.

3.  Health Care Coverage Premiums.  Is one or both parties paying for health insurance for the minor children?  If so, that party is given credit in the software program for the amount being paid for the premium associated with the health care for the minor children (not the total premium: what they pay in total for themselves and the minor children).

4.  Additional children from other relationships.  If one party has children from another relationship (with someone other than the other parent in the case under consideration), then they are given a “second family” credit.  These children must be living in that parent’s household or that parent must be paying child support for them in order to be given the second family credit.

5.  Tax Credits.  Who will be claiming the tax exemption credits for the minor children?  This information is used in the software program as another factor in calculating the payor’s child support obligation.

6.   The number of overnights each of the parties will be exercising.  It is no secret that in the State of Michigan, the more overnights exercised by the payor, the less child support the payor will be required to pay.

As this subject matter is very complex, and this blog does not discuss all factors used to calculate child support, it is important to discuss this matter with a skilled family law attorney.  For more information about child support, contact me, Laurie Schmitt, Attorney at Law, at Schmitt Law, PLLC, by calling 616-608-4634.

Filed Under: Issues Concerning Children Tagged With: Calculation, Child Support, Cost, Michigan

Raising Children As A Single Parent: From A Single Father’s Perspective

October 28, 2021 By Laurie Schmitt

I have had the opportunity and it has been a great pleasure getting to know a gentleman who is a single father of two now grown daughters.  I will refer to him as John.  I was taken with John’s story, and want to share his story as I believe a benefit can be found to other parents in knowing that you are not alone in your struggles as a single parent.

single father with daughter

John has been divorced for several years.  In the divorce, he was granted sole legal and physical custody of his two daughters.  After the divorce, John’s former spouse became an absent parent, failing to have any contact with the parties’ daughters for over 10 years. John was left to raise and support his daughters on his own.

I am impressed with John’s ability to set aside any anger he may have harbored from the divorce to raise two very successful young women.  The following is John’s story.

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How do you reconcile raising children on your own, receiving no assistance from the other parent, as they are absent in the children’s lives?

John stated that when you are a single parent, you take on the role of both parents. One of the challenges John discussed was that when you are going it alone, it’s about planning.  You don’t have a partner to assist, so you need to be prepared and well organized.  Shuttling children back and forth to the myriad of events they have requires planning.

Being a single parent can present its share of challenges.  John had to address uncomfortable questions and issues that naturally arise in girls lives that would have been easier for a mother to address.  Throughout their young lives, John’s girls lacked the ability to gain the female perspective.  When his girls wanted to attend homecoming, he had to take on the role of mom and go dress shopping!  But John did the best and pushed through his girls’ childhood events, wearing the hat of both parents.  John also thanked his family, stating that he relied on his family to get him through some tough times.

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John also discussed the financial struggles that come from being a single parent.  John received no financial assistance from his former spouse.  John and his daughters went from living an upper middle-class life to a very different lifestyle after the divorce.  John reflected on the fact that when he and his wife were married, they had the children in extra-curricular activities.  After the divorce, money was tight.  However, he knew the importance of these activities in the children’s lives, and wanted to do everything he could to make sure the children had the same experiences they had during the marriage.  John stated that he swallowed his pride and asked people to reduce their enrollment fees so that the girls could continue with their extracurricular activities.  John was happy when people came through, going above and beyond to work with him to ensure his daughters could continue to participate.  John stated there are times you just have to ask, and people will help.

How do you set aside whatever anger or disappointment you have with the failed marriage/relationship, or with the perceived transgressions the other party may have made against you to allow the children to have a relationship with the other parent, if and when the decide to do so?

John stated that the failure of the relationship was not the children’s fault.  John has always put the children’s needs first.  John told me that you have to ask yourself from the moment the marriage ends what can I do to make my children’s lives the best that it can be.

John believes that children grow up and make decisions on their own.  However, if they are raised with a specific narrative such as the other parent is bad, a deadbeat, didn’t want you, doesn’t care about you, they have a difficult time moving past years of disparaging remarks to develop a relationship with the other parent.  John wanted to leave it open for the children to make their own decisions about what (if any) relationship thy would have with their mother.

John stated that your entire focus needs to remain on the children; you need to put the children first.  And you need to realize that the sacrifices you make now will pay off when you see your children be successful and happy.

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How did you raise the children so that they are free from guilt to have a relationship with the other parent?

John stated that he left the door open for his children; and kept an avenue open for his former spouse to approach the children.  No matter what happened in the divorce, his former spouse was still the mother of these two girls, and would always be their parent.  He never disparaged his former spouse to the children, nor did he force the girls to contact her.  He assumed that when his former spouse was ready to resume a relationship with the girls, she would step forward.

John knew that he could not erase years of anger and disappointment he may have felt because his former spouse failed to take any role in the children’s lives.  But John knew that he could smooth it over for his daughters, wanting the best for his daughters. John knew that he would have to compartmentalize his feelings about the divorce and the lack of assistance he received from his former spouse for the sake of raising happy children.

John summarized that raising two girls on his own was life altering for him and his daughters, and that the changes to their lives was immeasurable.  Good news…after ten years, John’s former spouse has now reconciled with their daughters, and is working to rebuild a relationship with them.  John’s daughters are now grown, married and have started families of their own.  John and his former spouse, realizing the importance of family, have worked through their issues and are able to hold and attend family functions together with their adult daughters and their families.

I wanted to share John’s story so that you would know you are not alone in this endeavor and that you can successfully raise healthy and happy children as a single parent.

For assistance with your divorce, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to schedule an appointment.

Filed Under: Collaborative Divorce, Issues Concerning Children Tagged With: Fathers, Raising Children

The Do’s and Don’ts of Holiday Parenting Time

October 18, 2021 By Laurie Schmitt

Once again, the holidays are fast approaching.  Children of separated or divorced families often find themselves in a difficult position…. torn with loyalties.  Children grow up fast.  Divorce can make the holidays difficult for both parents and children. Parents should shift their focus on building great holiday memories for the children to look back on.

Holiday Parenting Time
  • Do: encourage your children to have a wonderful time at the other parent’s home
  • Don’t: make your children feel bad about wanting to spend time with the other parent during the holidays
  • Do: provide your children the opportunity to speak to the other parent (text, phone, skype) if it is geographically impossible for the children to spend time with the other parent
  • Don’t: grill your children when they return home from the other parent’s home
  • Do: give your children the time to spend with their siblings and step-siblings
  • Don’t: try to compete with the other parent for the children’s attention
  • Do: do allow the children to call their grandparents (from the other parent)
  • Don’t: make holiday gift giving a competition 
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  • Do: allow the children to take their gifts to the other parent’s home
  • Don’t: don’t purchase the children’s gifts that you know the other parent would be extremely opposed to
  • Do: allow the children to come up with new holiday traditions
  • Don’t: dwell on old traditions (“when we were a happy family”)
  • Do: allow the children to attend school and church holiday functions, even when they fall on your parenting time
  • Don’t: ask the children to choose who had the better holiday, it’s not a competition
  • Do: understand that your children may be struggling with their loyalties and validate their feelings
  • Don’t: introduce new significant others to the children.  The holidays are not the appropriate time to introduce the children to your new significant others as the focus should be on their time with you.
  • Do: be respectful with the other parent’s holiday time by exchanging the children on time and at the designated location
  • Don’t: purchase the children a gift that will be a financial burden to the other parent (unless you have discussed it with the other parent and agreed on the purchase)
  • Do: respect the other parent’s religious observations, or lack thereof, when you are talking to the children – if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all!
  • Don’t:  over plan every minute of your holiday parenting time, to include spending the entire holiday parenting time traveling to see extended family
  • Do: understand that your children are older than you think they are, have friends, and are growing more independent…they may want to spend time with their friends over their holiday breaks
  • Don’t:  argue with the other parent about holiday plans in front of the children

For assistance with your divorce and to develop a fair and equitable plan for holiday parenting time, contact me, Laurie Schmitt, at Schmitt Law, PLLC. I am an Attorney, Mediator, and Collaborative Divorce lawyer.

Filed Under: Issues Concerning Children Tagged With: Children, Do's, Do's and Don'ts, Don'ts, Parenting

What the Court Considers When Changing Parenting Time

July 19, 2021 By Laurie Schmitt

What the Court Considers When Changing Parenting Time

Are you considering requesting the court to modify your parenting time?

Has the other parent filed a motion to change parenting time?

If you have answered yes to either of the above questions, you need to know what the judge considers when granting or denying a motion to change parenting time?

MCL 722.27a (6) provides guidance on what the court may consider when determining the frequency, duration and type of parenting time, These factors are as follows:

(a)   The existence of any special circumstances or needs of the child.

(b)   Whether the child is a nursing child less than 6 months of age, or less than 12 year of age if the child receives substantial nutrition through nursing.

(c)   The reasonable likelihood of abuse or neglect of the child during parenting time.

(d)   The reasonable likelihood of abuse of a parent resulting from the exercise of parenting time.

(e)   The inconvenience to, and burdensome impact or effect on, the child traveling for purposes of parenting time.

(f)   Whether a parent can reasonably be expected to exercise parenting time in accordance with the court order.

(g)   Whether a parent has frequently failed to exercise reasonable parenting time.

(h)   The threatened or actual detention of the child with the intent to retain or conceal the child from the other parent or from a third person who has legal custody.

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A custodial parent’s temporary residence with the child in a domestic violence shelter shall not be construed as evidence a custodial parent’s intent to retain or conceal the child from the other parent.

In addition, there are some other considerations that can be looked at, such as:

  • The flexibility of the parents’ schedules
  • The developmental stage of the children
  • Special needs or restrictions of a parent
  • Ability of the parents to communicate and cooperate
  • Conflict level between the parents
  • Distance between the homes of the parents
  • The maturity level of the children
  • Children’s commitment to community such as work, school events, or participation on other activities
  • The children’s cultural and religious practices
  • The nature of the parent/child relationship at the present time
  • Parental fitness concerns, such as domestic violence, substance abuse or mental health issues
  • The parent’s ability to care for the children and meet the needs of the children
  • The parent’s availability to meet the need of the children
  • When determining he breaks from school, consider the number of exchanges

Filed Under: Divorce, Issues Concerning Children Tagged With: Parenting Schedule

The DOs and DON’Ts During Your Child Custody Dispute

July 19, 2021 By Laurie Schmitt

The DOs and DON’Ts During Your Child Custody Dispute

I don’t know if anyone is ever comfortable with the idea of “fighting” over their children, but child custody disputes are the most common and difficult—both emotionally and from a legal standpoint—areas of conflict that I see in my West Michigan family law practice.


What do you do if you are one of those parents, and you find yourself on the brink of what feels like an emotional war over your kids. Or, what if it’s already turned nasty, and everything you do seems to be getting back to the judge?

Begin by asking yourself: what type of parent do you believe you are? Would a judge think you were a good parent if they could see your behavior, even outside of the courtroom, during the case? Do your decisions reflect a parent that puts the needs of their children ahead of themselves? It’s important to understand that your day-to-day actions and words—whether done and said in the heat of an emotional conversation with ex or not— will make their way to the judge if your case goes to trial. And if you are reading this and thinking this won’t happen in your specific situation, I implore you to think again.

Emotions and feelings of betrayal or entitlement aside, you need to understand what any judge hearing your child custody case will be concerned with.

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Judges are concerned with the “moral fitness” or character of the person standing in front of them and that person’s ability to make good decisions as a parent. Yes, that means that whether you like it or not, or you think it is fair or not, your judge will use the evidence that is presented to her in your trial as the basis of determining your character. That means your judge is tasked by the law to make their best decision about who are you as a parent, and whether you truly put your kids’ best interests first, without the benefit of having seen who you may have been before you found yourself in this awful situation. So what do you do to ensure that your judge sees you in the light you see yourself as your children’s parent? Here are some DOs and DON’Ts I recommend to my own clients to help them prevail in their child custody cases:

1. DO stay active with your children’s education, regardless of where your kids are currently staying during the   school week.

  • Attend all parent/teacher conferences, and stay in weekly contact with your kids’ teachers through email, by telephone or in person.
  • Be proactive about addressing issues your children may be having in school.
  • Make it a priority to attend all of your kids’ extracurricular activities, even if that’s something you and your ex used to divide and conquer. It’s a whole new world during a child custody dispute, and your focus should be on the importance of your kids’ education and development.

2. DO get your kids counseling, even even if it’s just a few sessions with a therapist who can help them work through their new realities.

Every child copes with change in his own way. Even if you think your children are handling things well, every child in the middle of a custody war between two adults they probably love benefits from having a neutral third party they can talk to about their feelings. Your children need to feel safe while this process is ongoing. And remember, your children feel your anxiety and frustration, even when you don’t think they are paying attention, take care of their mental health.

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3. DON’T date during your divorce!

  • Instead, DO focus on your kids because it shows the court that you are placing the children’s needs ahead of your own.
  • But what if I really, really need to date? I am going to restate what I just said, in case you skipped over it to get to this section: DON’T date during your divorce. However, if you do choose to date,
  • DON’T introduce the children to your significant others. Be mindful that your children are struggling emotionally with the breakup of the family. If your significant other is important to you, and there is a genuine chance that they are going to remain in your life after the case, then they will understand that there will be a more appropriate time in the future for you to introduce them to your children.
  • That definitely means DON’T have your significant other spend the night when you have your kids!
  • DON’T spend the night away from home unless it is for business (and if it is for business, DO keep documentation). Staying the night away from home can show, once again, that your needs come before your children’s. And, it can be misread as a possible affair.
  • Even if you were never married to the other parent and are in the middle of a child custody battle, take note. Having multiple new people in and out of the children’s lives is not going to be viewed as healthy or appropriate by your judge. So, DON’T do it.

4. DON’T use social media. For more insights into why I think my clients are best served taking a social media break during a child custody case, see a recent post I wrote on this very topic.

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5. DON’T be insane!

  • That means DON’T engage in name calling, arguing, or using foul language in front of your kids. They’re already dealing with enough. Your inappropriate behavior toward your children’s other parent— in front of your children no less— demonstrates a lack of discretion, and it places your children on the front line of the war.
  • DON’T be insane in your written communications, either.
  • DO make sure that all verbal and written communication to the other parent is relevant to your children.
  • DO remember: Anything you put in writing can and will show up in court. If you send it, the judge may read it.
  • DO ask yourself before you hit send: Is what I am saying in this email or text really how I want the judge to see me? If the answer isn’t a resounding ‘YES’, delete it.
  • DON’T disparage your kids’ other parent in front of them.
  • Instead, DO focus your activities around your kids when they are with you.
  • DON’T spend what should be quality time with your children making sarcastic comments about your ex to them, or to others in front of them. By doing so, you may be unintentionally making your kids feel like they have to take sides on which parent they like more.
  • I’m guessing none of you really wanted things to go this way, but your kids are the ones with the least control in these situations, so DON’T add to their stress by making them feel like they are the frayed rope in an angry game of tug-of-war.
  • DON’T stalk, harass, or repeatedly call your ex. The last thing you need to have happen is the judge to call your mental health into question. And engaging those types of behaviors will certainly give the judge cause to ponder your character as a person and as a fit parent.
  • DON’T fight at encounters or exchanges. You are there to drop off or pick up your children, not to engage in battle with the other parent. And if you are having issues with the other parent’s behavior at exchanges, DO document the exchanges via video.

6. DO continue taking your kids to church if that’s what you’ve done historically.

  • DO feel free to enroll them in church-related activities that are age appropriate.
  • However, if you and your children have no history of church attendance prior to the custody case, DON’T use your new-found interest in church as a reason to try to prohibit the other parent from weekend parenting time.
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This might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised:

7. DON’T do anything illegal.

  • DON’T get arrested. Really, if you can’t stop yourself from doing things that could during your child custody case, why would the judge have any reason to believe you should be the parent who is awarded custody?
  • DON’T even risk the seemingly “silly little things” like driving without a license.
  • If your license has been revoked or suspended, DON’T drive. Doing so shows complete disregard for the law. Judges don’t like that.
  • DON’T use drugs and/or alcohol.
  • You may be required by the court to take a drug screen.If the other party has alleged that you have a history of illegal drug use—DO voluntarily obtain a drug screen during the case.
  • And, above all else, DON’T test “dirty” on any mandatory drug screens. That’s a sure way to say ‘goodbye’ to being granted custody of your children.

8. DO behave as though all of your activities are being documented by a private investigator and will be used at trial.

It’s not uncommon for private investigators to be hired in custody cases. Who knows your habits better than your ex? They know where you party. If they are attempting to make you look bad, what better way than to get video footage of you drunk at the bar. And while we are on the topic of bars:

9. DON’T go to bars or nightclubs while your child custody case is ongoing. These types of activities will only make you look bad at trial, as there is no way to spin frequenting bars and acting like a drunk for a judge. Believe it or not, the risks of unintentionally behaving badly after a night at the bar far outweigh the benefits, even though it may not always feel that way.

It may feel like the DON’Ts outnumber the DOs at a point in time in your life when you already probably don’t feel like you have much control. This is when I remind my clients that even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, their child custody case is not going to last forever. Remember:

DO take your kids’ best interests into consideration before you say or do anything during a child custody case. Even if you believe you always have and do to this day, now is the time to be even more diligent. And honestly, your kids need it right now more ever. Custody battles are frustrating and hard. Judges make custody determinations specifically on whom they believe is really going to look out for your children’s best interests.

DO give the judge as many reasons as possible to like you not only as a parent, but also as a person, and to rule in your favor.

Fighting for your children is a hard enough process to go through.

DON’T make choices or mistakes that you could easily avoid. DO everything with the best outcome for your children in mind.

Filed Under: Divorce, Issues Concerning Children Tagged With: Children, Custody, Disputes, Do's, Do's and Don'ts, Don'ts, During Divorce, Mistakes

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Laurie K. Schmitt
Attorney, Mediator, and Collaborative Lawyer

401 Hall Street SW
Suite 112D
Grand Rapids, MI 49503

Phone: 616-608-4634

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Laurie Schmitt of Schmitt Law, PLLC is a West Michigan family law attorney specializing in collaborative divorce as well as separation, divorce, child custody and support, paternity, and other family law litigation. She is licensed by Michigan State Bar and the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Michigan, and has extensive advanced training in divorce mediation and collaborative divorce.

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