Laurie Schmitt Family Law

W. Michigan family law specializing in Collaborative Divorce

616.608.4634

Custody Case

How Should You Act During Your Custody Case?

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CUSTODY AND THE COMMON-SENSE RULES.

You’re in the midst of a custody case, and suspect it may turn into a battle. Or your case has taken a turn for the worse, and everything you say and do seems to get back to the judge. What should you do?

Ask yourself “What type of parent am I”?  Will the judge conclude you are a good parent when they look at the evidence?  Do your decisions reflect a parent that puts the needs of their children ahead of themselves?  It’s important to understand that your day-to-day decisions will be scrutinized by the judge when your case goes to trial. 

WHAT JUDGES REVIEW IN A CUSTODY CASE

Custody and Parents Behavior

Judges are concerned with your moral character, and your ability to make good decisions as a parent. Judges make custody determinations based off evidence presented in court. The following are tips to win your custody case:

  • STAY ACTIVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN’S EDUCATION.  Attend all parent/teacher conferences.  Stay in contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person). Address issues your children are having in school. Make it important to attend all extra-curricular and school activities of your children. It’s all about making your children’s education important.
  • OBTAIN COUNSELING FOR YOUR CHILDREN, IF NECESSARY.  Each child copes with divorce and change in their own way. Children benefit from having a neutral third party they can talk to and need a safe place to express their feelings. Children feel your anxiety and frustration. So, pay attention to their mental health needs.
  • NO DATING.  Dating while divorcing shows the court you’re placing your emotional needs ahead of your children’s needs, and shows poor judgment on your part. 
  • IF YOU MUST DATE.  And if you must date, don’t introduce your children to your significant other, or have your significant other spend the night when you have custody of your children. Be mindful that your children are struggling emotionally with the breakup of their family. And if this relationship extends past the divorce, an introduction can take place after the divorce.
  • DATING…CONTINUED.  If you were never married to the other parent and are in the middle of a custody battle, having multiple new people in and out of the children’s lives is not healthy or appropriate. So, stop doing it, or don’t start it! 
  • NO OVERNIGHTS. Unless you need to spend the night away for business purposes, refrain from spending the night away from home. And be prepared to document these trips as business trips. Staying the night away from home can show your needs come before your children’s needs. And, even if they are business trips, it can be misconstrued as a possible affair. 
  • JUST STOP!  Don’t engage in name calling, arguing, or use of foul language with your ex while in front of your children. Your children are already conflicted, and don’t benefit by seeing you act badly towards your ex. These behaviors show a lack of discretion and places your children on the front line of the war. 
  • NO FIGHTING AT EXCHANGES.  You and your ex are there to exchange the children, not engage in battle with the other parent. If you’re having issues with the other parent’s behavior at exchanges, you may want to document the exchanges via video
  • TAKE THE BATTLE OUT OF IT.  Don’t engage in text/email wars. Anything you put in writing can and will show up in court. Make sure that your communications are necessary and relevant regarding your children. If you send it, the judge may read it.  So, take a moment before you hit the “send” button. Ask yourself, “do I want the judge to see this”? 
  • NO BAD TALK.  When the children are with you, focus your activities around them.  Don’t spend your quality time with your children disparaging your ex. It just puts your children in the middle.    
  • RELIGION. If you’ve always attended church with the children, continue to do so.  However, if you and the children have no real religious history prior to the custody case, don’t manufacture an interest in religion to make yourself look better to the court.
  • DO YOU WANT A PERSONAL PROTECTION ORDER FILED AGAINST YOU? Don’t stalk, harass, or repeatedly call the ex. It may cause your mental health and character may be called into question by the judge. And worse yet, you may find yourself receiving a PPO.
  • NO ILLEGAL ACTIVITY OR ARRESTS.  If you can’t refrain from participating in illegal activity or getting arrested during a custody case, you will not be awarded custody. 
  • DON’T DRIVE WITHOUT A LICENSE. If your license has been revoked or suspended, don’t drive with your children in the car.   Doing so shows complete disregard for the law. 
  • DRUGS/ALCOHOL: If there are allegations of drug use and excessive drinking, then you need to stop. Nothing worse than failing a court ordered drug or alcohol test.
  • ARE YOUR ACTIVITIES BEING DOCUMENTED. It’s not uncommon for private investigators to be hired in custody cases. Who knows your habits better than your ex?  And what better way to make you look bad than to get video footage of you drunk at the bar. So, refrain from going to bars during your custody case. 

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY.  GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Custody is a sensitive topic in divorce cases. Child custody mediation will put your child first and set you up for a healthy co-parenting relationship. With an experienced attorney and mediator like Laurie Schmitt, you will be able to navigate your new family dynamic with clear understanding and communication. Looking for a professional and experienced family law attorney, contact us online or give us a call at (616) 608-4634. At Schmitt Law, PLLC our commitment is to you!

Why Didn’t I Receive The Result In My Custody Case That I Expected?

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Custody cases are the most difficult of family law cases to litigate. If you are about to be, or are currently involved in a custody case, you should review this list. It may prevent you from finding yourself in a position of asking yourself why you didn’t receive the result you expected in your custody case.

Child Custody Results
  • I didn’t follow the guidelines of my attorney. It’s likely early in your professional relationship with your attorney there were discussions about what was expected from you. If you failed to follow those guidelines, it may have been a contributory factor in not being awarded the parenting time or custody you were seeking.
  • My communication with the other parent was harassing and/or off topic from issues related to the children. This is a simple rule to follow: while in the midst of a custody case, keep your communication with the other parent about the children. This means do not discuss the history of your relationship, what lead to the breakdown of your relationship, what angers you about the other parent, or make any derogatory statements to the other parent through your communication. Negative communication to the other parent can constitute harassment, it is unnecessary, and will not assist you in achieving your goals as a parent. And assume that all communications with the other parent will be shared with the judge.
  • I refused to stop drinking and/or using drugs. When a Michigan court makes a determination regarding custody and parenting time, they do so by reviewing the best interest factors. And one of the best interest factors is related to alcohol and drug use. An ongoing substance abuse or alcohol issue can be viewed by a judge as an impediment on your ability to appropriately care for your children. 
  • I refused to address my anger issues. If domestic violence was an issue in your relationship with the other parent (or with any other significant other), you may want to seek professional assistance. Once again, a domestic violence issue is yet another best interest factor that will be heavily weighed by the judge in their final decision regarding custody and parenting time. 
  • My expectations were not realistic from the start of the case. At your first consultation, it’s important to share your expectations with your attorney. And, it’s equally important for your attorney to inform you if your expectations are realistic. Client disappointments happen when clients want more than they can receive from the judge, and when attorneys overpromise.    

LET ME WORRY ABOUT WHAT MATTERS MOST … YOUR FUTURE WITH YOUR FAMILY.  GRAND RAPIDS CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

The hallmark of my family law practice is providing you with top quality legal service, and by being intensely responsive to my clients. I will work hard to protect your future with your children. I will help you to secure the best possible outcome in your custody case, by giving you your strongest voice in the family law process. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634.

Hints For Parents Going Through A Custody Case

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Are you going through a heated custody case, or intend to be involved in a custody case in the near future?  If so, the following list may help you from making unnecessary mistakes.

Hints for Parents and Custody
  • Attend ALL parent/teacher conferences with your children’s school
  •   Stay in weekly contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person)
  • Address issues your children are having in school
  • Attend all extra-curricular school activities of the children
  • Place the children in counseling (if necessary)
  • No dating – it shows the court that you are placing the children’s needs ahead of your own
  • Do not spend the night away from home unless it is for business (and it can be documented as such)
  • Do not have boyfriends/girlfriends spend the night (once again, no dating)
  • No social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.,)
  • Do not argue or use foul language with the other parent (especially in front of the children)
  • Do not disparage the other parent in front of the children
  • Attend church with the children and enroll them in any activities that are age appropriate
  • Do not stalk, harass, or continually call the other parent
  • Make sure all emails to the other parent are of a content you would not be embarrassed to have a judge read (as they can be used against you in a custody evaluation and at trial)
  • No drug or alcohol use: you may be required by the court to take a drug screen
  • Do not go to bars or nightclubs with friends/girlfriends/boyfriends (as any activity maybe documented and used against you at trial)
  • If your license has been revoked or suspended, no driving 
  • No fighting or encounters with the other parent when you are at exchanges
  • If you are having issues at exchanges, document the exchanges via video
  • No illegal activity: do not get arrested
  • If the other party has alleged that you have a drug or alcohol issue – obtain a drug screen every thirty (30) days during the duration of the divorce
  • Do not test “dirty” on any drug screen
  • Note that your activities may be documented by a private investigator and used at trial

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY.  GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY. 

Custody is a sensitive topic in divorce cases. Child custody mediation will put your child first and set you up for a healthy co-parenting relationship. With an experienced attorney and mediator like Laurie Schmitt, you will be able to navigate your new family dynamic with clear understanding and communication. Looking for a professional and experienced family law attorney, contact us online or give us a call at (616) 608-4634. At Schmitt Law, PLLC our commitment is to you!