Parents

Why Can’t Parents Get Along? Four Common Sense Rules

February 2, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

So many issues in divorce or custody cases are simply brought on by the unwillingness of parents to get along for the sake of their children. And yes, I said “their”, as children have, want, and need two parents.

So, what can you do to make your situation better with the other parent? Four common-sense rules, if followed, would go a long way to making your relationship bearable or even better with the other parent:

Watch your tone when you speak to the other parent, as they may read into your tone a meaning that just wasn’t there. You both know each other better than most people, and can push each other’s buttons. So, try to keep your conversation respectful in tone and nature.
Don’t argue or have adult conversations in the presence of the children. Arguing and adult conversations between the two of you should take place privately, as children do not need to be placed between their parents.
Don’t discuss any ongoing court case with the children. When children know about pending litigation, it only stresses them out about their future.
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Don’t let the other parent lure you into making derogatory statements to them that can, and most likely will, be used against you in court. The golden rule: if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

When dealing with the other parent, keep your focus on your children and their emotional needs. This is no longer about you, your anger, or your resentment for the other parent. This is about what your children need…two parents who can show them they are still loved by both parents, and that it is ok for them to love both of you. It’s not hard to be the positive role model your children need.

CHILDREN ARE FIRST. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC we understand that the interests of your children always come first. Whatever your situation, Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced, sympathetic and willing to help you achieve the best outcome for your entire family. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

How Can Adult Children Impact Their Parents’ Divorce?

December 27, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

The divorce process is hard enough for couples to navigate without third-party interference. However, when the third-party interference is your adult children, it can be a sticky situation.

More and more, adult children are getting involved in their parents’ divorce. This is not to say adult children should not support their parents through this difficult process. This article addresses adult children who take their involvement to an extreme. The adult children being referenced are ones that feel compelled to take sides, and consequently interfere with the divorce process. They attempt to run the show by interjecting their opinions when unnecessary, trying to make decisions for their parents, demanding to attend meetings with the attorney and parent, and expecting information from the attorney to pass through them directly. They treat the parent as if they do not have the capacity to make their own decisions when nothing is further from the truth.

What is the outcome when adult children take a such a strong position in their parents’ divorce? It causes the parents to get stirred up and/or stay stirred up, negatively impacting settlement for the divorcing couple. If divorcing couples are not given a chance to calm themselves and start working through the issues presented in their divorce, it delays the divorce process. More time will pass before the divorce can conclude, and more money will be spent.

What is the solution? The divorcing couple need to gain control and inform their adult children that they do not need such hands-on assistance in their divorce. Let your adult children know that you have competent legal representation that will guide them through the journey. Now this is easier said than done when you have adult children who feel so strongly about taking a position in their parents’ divorce. Whatever good intentions adult children may have about their involvement, often times simply causes more pain. There is nothing worse than your own child taking a position again you. And not only taking a position against you but actively involving themselves in your divorce process.

This is not to minimize that adult children experience sadness, anger, sense of loss, or confusion regarding their parents’ divorce. But if you would rather maintain control of your divorce, build boundaries with your adult children from the onset of your divorce. Perhaps your adult children will feel less likely to be the director of your divorce if: (1) you are careful about what information you share with them, (2) don’t make them feel they must take sides, and (3) don’t make your adult children your only sounding board about the struggles of your divorce, Don’t lean on your adult children exclusively as your support – showing them you can handle this situation without their hands on involvement.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you filed for divorce, or are considering filing in the near future, contact the Michigan family law attorney at Schmitt Law, PLLC. We have extensive experience handling all types of Michigan divorce cases and the related issues that frequently come up in the divorce process, including spousal support, child custody, and child support. We provide custom-tailored legal advice and solutions for clients. To learn more about how we can help you through the divorce

Hints For Parents Going Through A Custody Case

November 4, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Are you going through a heated custody case, or intend to be involved in a custody case in the near future? If so, the following list may help you from making unnecessary mistakes.

Attend ALL parent/teacher conferences with your children’s school
Stay in weekly contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person)
Address issues your children are having in school
Attend all extra-curricular school activities of the children
Place the children in counseling (if necessary)
No dating – it shows the court that you are placing the children’s needs ahead of your own
Do not spend the night away from home unless it is for business (and it can be documented as such)
Do not have boyfriends/girlfriends spend the night (once again, no dating)
No social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.,)
Do not argue or use foul language with the other parent (especially in front of the children)
Do not disparage the other parent in front of the children
Attend church with the children and enroll them in any activities that are age appropriate
Do not stalk, harass, or continually call the other parent
Make sure all emails to the other parent are of a content you would not be embarrassed to have a judge read (as they can be used against you in a custody evaluation and at trial)
No drug or alcohol use: you may be required by the court to take a drug screen
Do not go to bars or nightclubs with friends/girlfriends/boyfriends (as any activity maybe documented and used against you at trial)
If your license has been revoked or suspended, no driving
No fighting or encounters with the other parent when you are at exchanges
If you are having issues at exchanges, document the exchanges via video
No illegal activity: do not get arrested
If the other party has alleged that you have a drug or alcohol issue – obtain a drug screen every thirty (30) days during the duration of the divorce
Do not test “dirty” on any drug screen
Note that your activities may be documented by a private investigator and used at trial

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY. GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Custody is a sensitive topic in divorce cases. Child custody mediation will put your child first and set you up for a healthy co-parenting relationship. With an experienced attorney and mediator like Laurie Schmitt, you will be able to navigate your new family dynamic with clear understanding and communication. Looking for a professional and experienced family law attorney, contact us online or give us a call at (616) 608-4634. At Schmitt Law, PLLC our commitment is to you!

Why Must Parents Be Disrespectful With One Another?

October 24, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Lately, there have been an overwhelming number of clients that have shared with me that every conversation, communication, and interaction with the other parent includes one or all of the following: swearing, name calling, arguing, obstructionist/undermining behavior, or outright tirades.

Why must these negative interactions take place? What is gained by acting this way? And what can you do if it is happening to you?

If you are at your wits end because every encounter with the other parent is a struggle, the following tips may be helpful:

Limit how you will communicate with the other parent: via email or text only.
Limit what you will respond to: only important and necessary subject matters related to the children.
In a moment of anger, do not engage in reciprocal negative communication.
Take control. You decide when you will respond to the other parent. There is no rule that you must respond immediately to someone who is acting inappropriately. Take a moment, calm yourself, and respond only to what is necessary. This may mean that you respond several hours later, the next day, or not at all if no response is necessary.
If the behavior of the other parent is completely out of control, request the court for an order requiring all communication to take place through Our Family Wizard. Our Family Wizard is an online service that allows you to communicate with the other parent regarding parenting time, exchanges, appointments and schedules of the children, and to request expenses to be paid. It takes the stress out of unwanted and unexpected emails, texts, and calls from the other parent. And, all communications are documented and can be used later in court, if necessary.

Unfortunately, some parents refuse to see the value in effective co-parenting, and refuse to be respectful in their dealings with the other parent. Know that you will never change their behavior. But you can take back some control and change how you react.

EXPERIENCED CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are experiencing ineffective co-parenting with the other parent, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to discuss what your options may be. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we are experienced in family law cases involving visitation and custody. Over the years, we have successfully represented hundreds of clients in complicated cases. For skilled legal guidance, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Parents

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