Co-Parenting

Back-To-School Co-Parenting

August 7, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Once again, you find that your children’s summer vacation is coming to an end. And it’s time again to get your children ready to return to school. So how can you and your ex make your children’s return to school easier? By effectively co-parenting. And what does that mean?

The following is a short list of decisions that you and your ex can make together to make your children’s transition to school easier:

Are the children changing schools and need to be enrolled? If so, who will be responsible for enrollment?
Are both of you in agreement to change the school of your children? If not, have you filed a motion with the court seeking a change in schools?
Will the children’s school have an orientation? Are both of you aware of the date? Have you agreed on who will be attending the orientation?
Who will shop for school clothes, backpacks, and other school related necessities?
How will the cost of these items will be divided?
If you’re exercising a summer parenting schedule that differs from the school year, when will you and our ex return to the school year parenting time schedule?
When will you start transitioning the children to a school time evening routine and bedtime?
Are you and your ex willing to abide by a specific bedtime that will be upheld at both of your homes?
Do your children need a haircut before school starts? If so, who will take them and who will pay for it?
Do the children need to see the doctor or dentist before school starts? If so, who will schedule and take them to these appointments?
Do the children want/need to be enrolled in extra-curricular activities? If so, who will be responsible for enrollment and who will pay for it?
Are both of you in agreement to the children being enrolled in extra-curricular activities? If not, have you filed a motion with the court to resolve this issue?

What other child related issues do you encounter with your ex when you’re getting the children ready for the new school year to start? By having a discussion with your ex in advance, you can make the back-to-school process smoother for your children, and yourself, by preventing the battle before it begins. If all else fails and you and your ex are unable to come to agreements regarding major decisions, it may require court intervention to resolve the issues. If this is the case, you need to allow yourself enough time to file a motion and be heard by the court.

CHILDREN ARE FIRST. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC we understand that the interests of your children always come first. Whatever your situation, Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced, sympathetic and willing to help you achieve the best outcome for your entire family. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Our office is located at: 401 Hall Street SW, Suite 112D, Grand Rapids, MI 49503.

Is It Time To Revisit Your Parenting Time Plan?

October 27, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

It may have been years since your last order establishing parenting time was entered by the court. The children are getting older, and/or things have changed in your life, and your parenting time plan no longer makes sense for the children or for you. If this is the case, it may be time to revisit your parenting time plan.

When you originally established your parenting time plan, the children were younger. Now, they may be in high school, may be driving, may have part time jobs, or may be involved in extra-curricular activities. And your parenting time plan does not account for these changes in life.

Perhaps when your order for parenting time was entered, your situation was different than it is now, and you are in a better place to exercise more parenting time. Or, you or your ex have moved, and your existing parenting time plan does not work for either of you or the children.

Or, you and your ex have voluntarily been deviating from your original order, and you want a new order that reflects these changes.

If you and your ex are able to agree on a new parenting time plan, you can enter into a stipulated order (an order in which both parents agree to the terms). It is then signed by the judge, and replaces the original order. If you are not able to agree, parents have the right to request the court to change their parenting time orders, if it is in the best interest of the children.

If you have questions about your right to request the court to make changes to your existing parenting time order, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC.

EXPERIENCED CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that parenting time issues can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable parenting time settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or, contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Why Must Parents Be Disrespectful With One Another?

October 24, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Lately, there have been an overwhelming number of clients that have shared with me that every conversation, communication, and interaction with the other parent includes one or all of the following: swearing, name calling, arguing, obstructionist/undermining behavior, or outright tirades.

Why must these negative interactions take place? What is gained by acting this way? And what can you do if it is happening to you?

If you are at your wits end because every encounter with the other parent is a struggle, the following tips may be helpful:

Limit how you will communicate with the other parent: via email or text only.
Limit what you will respond to: only important and necessary subject matters related to the children.
In a moment of anger, do not engage in reciprocal negative communication.
Take control. You decide when you will respond to the other parent. There is no rule that you must respond immediately to someone who is acting inappropriately. Take a moment, calm yourself, and respond only to what is necessary. This may mean that you respond several hours later, the next day, or not at all if no response is necessary.
If the behavior of the other parent is completely out of control, request the court for an order requiring all communication to take place through Our Family Wizard. Our Family Wizard is an online service that allows you to communicate with the other parent regarding parenting time, exchanges, appointments and schedules of the children, and to request expenses to be paid. It takes the stress out of unwanted and unexpected emails, texts, and calls from the other parent. And, all communications are documented and can be used later in court, if necessary.

Unfortunately, some parents refuse to see the value in effective co-parenting, and refuse to be respectful in their dealings with the other parent. Know that you will never change their behavior. But you can take back some control and change how you react.

EXPERIENCED CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are experiencing ineffective co-parenting with the other parent, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to discuss what your options may be. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we are experienced in family law cases involving visitation and custody. Over the years, we have successfully represented hundreds of clients in complicated cases. For skilled legal guidance, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

The Importance of Co-Parenting

June 6, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Anyone who has lived through a divorce can agree that going through the divorce process is no easy task, especially if there are children involved. However, parties need to be mindful that after their divorce, they need to be able to effectively co-parent their children.

The conclusion of the divorce may end the marriage of the parties, but it does not end the necessity to work together to raise their children. There will be many important decisions to be made regarding the children such as education, medical care, religious upbringing, and other matters. And, the parties must be able to communicate to make these decisions on behalf of their children.

In order to effectively co-parent, the parties must be able to let go of the past and focus their attention on the children – to make decisions in the best interest of the children. Your frustration and anger with your former spouse should never get in the way of making appropriate decisions for the children. You may want to take this moment to develop a new relationship with your former spouse – one in which the only focus is the children (not the failed marriage).

In order to move forward after the divorce, you will need to find a way to effectively communicate. How do you achieve that with someone you divorced? When speaking to your former spouse use some common-sense rules:

Be respectful – as one judge said to one of my clients “fake it until you can make it”. This rule certainly applies when you are communicating with your former spouse while in front of the children.
Be cooperative and be willing to compromise.
Never use the children to deliver messages to your former spouse. The children should never be involved with your communication, nor should they be used as the pony express.
Support the decisions that are made at your former spouse’s house. It’s true that each party is allowed to have their own lifestyle and rules in their own home. However, perhaps you can agree to have some consistent rules for the children in both of your homes.
Use a business tone in your communication with your former spouse. Don’t use communication about the children as a time to re-live your marriage and subsequent divorce. Post-divorce communication is about the children, and not to be used as marriage counseling or to play the blame game.
If you can’t be nice, then say nothing. Take a break and reply later.

To conclude, if you and your former spouse are unable to effectively communicate, and unable to make joint decisions on behalf of the children, then one party may petition the court for sole legal custody. And if that party is successful, the other party will have no decision-making rights for the children. Hence, it is imperative to put your differences aside, and learn to co-parent.

AGREEMENTS BASED ON FAIRNESS

When attorneys listen to their clients and work together to create a fair settlement, contested divorces can be effectively settled through negotiations and alternative dispute methods. When possible, Schmitt Law, PLLC focuses on resolving divorce and child custody matters through mediation or collaborative divorce methods. Resolving your divorce through mediation or the collaborative divorce allows you to have complete control over the outcome of your future.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Co-Parenting Mistakes To Avoid

May 2, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

It may not be easy to maintain a working relationship with your ex. However, the well-being of your children depends on it. The following are commonsense tips for co-parenting with your ex.

USING THE CHILDREN AS MESSENGERS: Your communication with your ex should be directly to your ex, not through the children. When you use your children as messengers, you put them in the middle of your adult war. Parents should never involve their children in adult matters and discussions. Let your children be children and let them love you both.

REFUSING TO RESPOND: Communication is key to a successful co-parenting relationship.

If your ex-contacts you regarding a legitimate co-parenting concern, respond within a timely manner. If you want to maintain joint legal custody, you need to be an effective parent. You need to work with your ex and respond appropriately. Your failure to respond can be read as your disinterest in what happens with the children. Your unwillingness to work with your ex can be used against you, and the joint legal status can be reviewed. Use your joint legal status wisely or lose it!

REFUSING TO MAKE DECISIONS WITH YOUR EX: Part of co-parenting means assisting in important decisions. Your ex-contacts you regarding a co-parenting decision. You do respond but refuse to commit. A non-committal response is nothing more than failing to respond disguised as cooperation. Once again, if you want to maintain joint legal custody, then participate.

FAILING TO TAKE THE CHILDREN TO EXTRA-CURRICULAR EVENTS ON YOUR PARENTING TIME: If the children have routinely participated in extracurricular events, both parents should honor the children’s involvement in these events. This means that when they are with you, take them to their games and practices. Failure to allow your children to attend extra-curricular events only leads to disappointed children.

FAILING TO FOLLOW THE PARENTING TIME ORDER: Your parenting time order defines the terms of your parenting time. Follow it or suffer the consequences of the court!

BEING CONSISTENTLY LATE FOR EXCHANGE OF THE CHILDREN: Your parenting time order clearly defines what time you are to be at the exchange of the children. Prioritize your children and be at exchanges, on time!

FIGHTING AT EXCHANGES OF THE CHILDREN: What needs to be said about bad behavior at exchanges of your children? Fighting, screaming, yelling, swearing, and physical altercations have no place during exchanges. Your children are witnesses and innocent victims to your inappropriate behavior. They learn from your actions. Be adults, exchange the children, and be on your way.

In summary, if you place the needs of your children first, it’s not hard to make good decisions for the benefit of your children. If you share joint legal custody, you have equal rights in making major decisions for your children. If you want to maintain joint legal custody, put aside your frustration and anger with your ex, and participate in the decision-making process.

CUSTODY ATTORNEY

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we help parents work together to create a parenting plan that is in the best interests of your children. Through mediation, collaboration, or litigation, if necessary, our knowledgeable Michigan family law attorney will be your advocate and help you through this difficult time. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact us online or call (616) 608-4634.

Co-Parenting

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