Social Media

Can My Ex Buy Cell Phones For Our Child?

April 27, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

What happens when your ex buys cell phones for your child and you don’t agree with that decision? And you don’t agree with the child possessing and using the cell phone during your parenting time. What can you do?

IS IT A JOINT LEGAL DECISION OR NOT?

WHAT THE COURTS SAY

The Michigan courts are not settled in their opinions about whether or not a child having a cell phone is a joint legal decision. Some judges believe that it is a joint legal decision, due to the inherent risks posed due to the access to the internet and social media. Conversely, other judges believe it is not, that it is a routine decision allowing for parental discretion while a child is in their care.

ROUTINE DECISION

If the court believe that the purchase of a cell phone is a routine decision, then your ex would have parental discretion over the use, restriction, or possession of that cell phone while your child is in their care. Therefore, your ex can purchase a cell phone for your child and allow them to use it during their parenting time.

BUT IT IS STILL YOUR DISCRETION

However, this doesn’t mean your ex can require you allow your child use of the cell phone when your child is at your house. It is within your discretion to prohibit the phone’s use during your parenting time (just like you having the ability to limit screen time or ground your child from a devise as a punishment). This means your ex can’t force you to allow your child use of the cell phone during your parenting time, as access to a cell phone during parenting time is a routine parenting decision that is within your discretion.

The general rule is “It’s your house – your rules, and their house – their rules”.

TRANSPORT OF THE CELL PHONE TO YOUR HOUSE

WHAT THE COURT SAYS

But what happens when your ex allows your child to transport the cell phone to your home during your parenting time? Some judges have ruled that the cell phone will not be transported with the child to the other parent’s home. Why? Because you shouldn’t be responsible for a lost or stolen phone and your ex expecting you to pay for a new cell phone.

But now you become the bad guy with your child. If you never agreed to the purchase of the cell phone in the first place, this puts you in the position of either taking the cell phone away when your child arrives at your home or having to restrict your child’s use of the cell phone. Inform your ex that the cell phone can’t be transported with the child.

And you don’t want to be put in the position of micromanaging your child’s use: social media, the internet, who they may be talking to, or texting. Most likely, this was the very reason you did not want your child having a cell phone – the concern about what your child is accessing on that cell phone. And perhaps you believe your child is too young to have a cell phone, and that there is no legitimate reason for your child to need a cell phone.

WE CAN HELP! GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We know your legal issues are unique and special. If you are having a post-divorce issue related to your children’s use of cell phone, the internet, or social media, call us, we will listen. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634.

Is It Ok To Use Social Media During a Divorce or Custody Case?

April 6, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA AND YOUR FAMILY LAW CASE.

So much of our lives seem to be documented publicly on social media. But, if you’re going through a divorce or custody battle, you need to think twice about the use of social media platforms.

GOLDEN RULE

It’s common sense! If it’s in writing, it can and will be used against you in your divorce or custody case. So, ask yourself “Do I want the judge to see this?”. “Will this hurt or help my case?”

PROTECT YOURSELF

How do you protect yourself? Simply shut down social media accounts during your divorce or custody case. If you are unwilling to do so, refrain from posting anything – anywhere! Although this advice is not favored by clients, it just makes sense.

YOUR ACCOUNT IS SET TO PRIVATE

Even if your social media accounts are set to private, you need to be extraordinarily carefully with who you trust. It won’t be the first time a “friend” leaks posts to the soon to be ex. And all of the sudden the information you thought you were sharing with “friends” has found its way to the judge.

PRIVATE FACEBOOK GROUPS

But you say you’re in a private Facebook group, and that will be ok. If you’re in a private Facebook group, these people are strangers to you. There should be no trust. You just never know who will release your private posts, and to whom your posts will be released to. Once again, if it’s in writing, it can and will be used against you in your divorce or custody case. And, if it’s in writing, it’s difficult to impossible to discredit the statement in court. Why? You put it in writing.

MY ACCOUNT WAS HACKED

And the excuse of “my account was hacked” holds little water to any judge. How much money are you willing to spend for an expert to show that your account was hacked? Remember, judges have heard it all, and this is not an original defense to inappropriate postings found on your account.

YOUR POSTINGS

Remember, posting things about your children can go viral. The judge would certainly frown upon you if you’re posting things about your children in an effort to shame the other parent. If you’re attempting to, or it appears that you’re attempting to disparage the other parent in your posts, the judge will believe you’re unable to encourage a close and loving relationship between the children and the other parent. This activity undermines co-parenting, and you may lose joint legal custody.

POSTINGS MADE BY SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

It’s true that you’re not responsible for controlling your significant other, their actions, or what they say on social media. However, if your new boyfriend/girlfriend are posting things about your divorce, or your children, don’t be surprised when you pay the price in court for their actions or statements.

YOUR CHILDREN

Lastly, do you care about your children’s feelings? Your children can be ashamed and embarrassed over your posts, so don’t’ drag your children into your divorce. Even if your children are young, it’s possible they will see your posts one day.

CONSIDERING DIVORCE? LEARN YOUR OPTIONS WITH SCHMITT LAW, PLLC. GRAND RAPIDS DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Contemplating a divorce can be one of the hardest decisions to make in life. There are many complexities involving the divorce process, making it overwhelming for most. However, know that you are not alone, and help is available. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we are here to answer your questions, ease your concerns, and protect your rights. To book a consultation, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or by calling (616) 608-4634.

Should My Kids Be On Social Media?

March 30, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Should you allow your kids to be using social media platforms and allowing your children to publicly document their entire childhood? This article will share how allowing your children to be on social media platforms can harm your custody case, and how judges approach this subject.

HOW JUDGES LOOK AT CHILDREN’S USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Judges often take the position that is shows poor judgment when parents allow their children to be on social media platforms. Judges also believe allowing children to be on social media platforms is inappropriate.

Note, that if you allow your children to be on a social media platform, it can be used against you in a custody case. Why?

In the State of Michigan, providing appropriate guidance for your children is one of the best interest factors judges review to make a determination regarding custody and parenting time. Judges take the position that allowing your child to be on social media can be evidence that you are not providing appropriate guidance for your children.

Additionally, judges believe allowing children to be on social media platforms can speak to your home environment. And a parent’s home environment is yet another best interest factor judges review in making their final decision on custody.

TERMS OF SERVICE FOR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

As a parent you need to understand the terms of service for each social media platform your children may be using. What is the minimum age for each platform? Judges do not take it lightly when parents allow their child to be on social media platform when they are too young to legally be on the platforms.

HOW SOCIAL MEDIA CAN HARM YOUR CHILD AS AN ADULT

Judges also believe your children can suffer long term consequences for statements made on social media platforms. Anything your children post on social media platforms can remain there forever. These posts can have significant impact your children as they become adults looking to get into college, looking for that scholarship, and looking for the first job.

REAL LIFE STORY

A story shared by a judge at a conference went as follows: the child was accepted to college on a full athletic scholarship. When the college did a background check on the child’s use of social media, they found comments they did not approve of.

These comments were made when the child was in high school. Yet, those comments were used against the child as the college rescinded this child’s athletic scholarship and admission into college.

To conclude, if you are in a custody battle, you need to think twice about allowing your children to be active on social media platforms. Of course, if your children are on social media platforms and how it can impact your case is dependent on your judge’s personal perspective, and can vary from judge to judge.

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY. GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are concerned about your children being on social media platforms while at the ex’s house, Schmitt Law, PLLC. We’ll help you pursue the best outcome in your family law dispute. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact us online or call (616) 608-4634.

Rules For Texting, Phone Calls and Social Media

February 7, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

If you have a contentious relationship with your soon-to-be ex, then the first statement I make to clients is to limit their communication with the other party to texting only, and to essential communication about the children. If it is not a legitimate issue that must be addressed with the other party, then do not send the text.

Be mindful that anything you text can be brought into court as evidence and used against you in a custody hearing or trial. Think before you send that text “do I want the judge to see this text?”.

Learn to have self-control when you receive a text that upsets you. You DO NOT need to respond immediately, or perhaps not at all. Nothing is gained by keeping the bantering going. This may sound easy, and I respect that it is not. It is critical for couples who do not get along to find a way to effectively communicate (leading to effective co-parenting). And, inappropriate texts/or responses to them can be used against you in court.

To address social media, my statement to clients is to not litigate their case on social media sites. Do not post inappropriate comments or pictures, or any information about your case. The information or pictures you post can be used against you in court. Again, ask yourself “do I want the judge seeing this information or pictures and will this put me in a bad light in front of the judge?”. Bad behavior on social media sites really cannot be explained away in front of a judge. For additional information about social media see my blog “I want to win custody of my children, but I love Facebook…”.

To summarize, while the other party may poke at you via text or phone calls, this is the time to dig deep and develop self-control about how and when to interact with your spouse. Learning that you do not need to respond immediately, or at all will lower your anxiety, hopefully reduce the back and forth between the two of you, and will protect you in the event that your case is required to be heard by the judge.

If you have questions about communicating with the other party while going through a divorce or custody battle, or any other questions related to the divorce process, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC and set up an appointment. Give us a call at 616-608-4634.

I Want Custody of My Children, but I Love Facebook: Why you should ‘unfriend’ Facebook during a custody case

July 19, 2021 By Laurie Schmitt

Why you should ‘unfriend’ Facebook during your child custody case

Although my West Michigan family law practice involves meeting with clients about a range of issues, child custody issues are often the most challenging for my clients. The toll child custody takes on the individual parties’ emotions, children, and finances is the number one reason why I encourage people to learn more about Collaborative Divorce before things become too heated.

Child custody cases can be gut wrenching for all of the parties involved, depending on the nature of the case. Unfortunately, it is the emotional nature of child custody issues that makes my clients’ misuse of social media one of my most challenging issues as an attorney.

I get it. It feels good—even if it’s just for a moment— to blow off steam with a piping hot Facebook post (that doesn’t actually mention your soon-to-be-ex by name, so it’s harmless, right?). And all of those Facebook ‘likes’ on our child custody issue frustrations and woes can feel very validating at a time when we probably need validation from our friends and family the most.

However, if you stopped on this post because you think you are about to be involved in, are in the middle of, or are even nearing the end of a child custody issue, please DO NOT update your Facebook status until you have finished reading this.

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Here are my top seven recommendations I make to my own clients who are going through a child custody dispute:

NEVER slam your ex on social media.
In fact, I instruct all of my clients to refrain from any and all Facebook updating, commenting, liking, or sharing that can be seen as making a comment on the case or disparaging the other party. Believe it or not, as good as the short-term adrenaline rush might feel to post your true feelings about the case on Facebook for the world, and especially your ex, to see, that’s all that it really does is heat up an already difficult situation.
Better yet, stay off Facebook until your case is complete. Don’t use Facebook to share your life with the world while your case (and your child’s and your future) is pending with the court. It’s simple: if you stay off Facebook, nothing you say, innocent or otherwise, can be used against you, because it’s just not there to be found.
If you decide to stay active on social media during your child custody dispute, remember that your social media photos are worth more than a thousand words. Never post pictures of themselves in bars, drinking alcohol, at parties, and definitely NEVER using illegal substances. What you may see as innocent pictures of a fun night out with friends, are now being shown in court as a way to support your ex’s effort to depict you as the worst parent in the world.
Remember: If it is on your Facebook account, your judge will see it.
Social media privacy is an oxymoron. If you think none of this applies to you because you are smart and have your social media accounts set to private, think again. You would be amazed at how many of my clients’ “friends” have been willing to provide their opposing party with access to their “private” social media posts and photos.
But if your account is not set to private, your ex’s attorney IS regularly reviewing your activity. I know in my own practice I have looked at numerous Facebook accounts and have found photos including drugs and drug paraphernalia laying about the house, photos of people who are visibly intoxicated, photos that undoubtedly show an adulterous relationship, and read volumes of derogatory comments about the other party that go directly to the comment author’s own fitness as a parent.

The real take home point, in case you have missed it, is that when you are fighting for your children, stay away from Facebook and other social media while your child custody case is ongoing. What you post can be twisted and turned against you. Getting through a heated custody case is hard enough. There is no reason to make your attorney’s job as your advocate harder because of a ridiculous Facebook post.

Before you post that comment or photo on Facebook, remember your end goal: custody of your children. Facebook will be there for you when it’s all over.

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