Children

How Should You Act During Your Custody Case?

April 10, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

CUSTODY AND THE COMMON-SENSE RULES.

You’re in the midst of a custody case, and suspect it may turn into a battle. Or your case has taken a turn for the worse, and everything you say and do seems to get back to the judge. What should you do?

Ask yourself “What type of parent am I”? Will the judge conclude you are a good parent when they look at the evidence? Do your decisions reflect a parent that puts the needs of their children ahead of themselves? It’s important to understand that your day-to-day decisions will be scrutinized by the judge when your case goes to trial.

WHAT JUDGES REVIEW IN A CUSTODY CASE

Judges are concerned with your moral character, and your ability to make good decisions as a parent. Judges make custody determinations based off evidence presented in court. The following are tips to win your custody case:

STAY ACTIVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN’S EDUCATION. Attend all parent/teacher conferences. Stay in contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person). Address issues your children are having in school. Make it important to attend all extra-curricular and school activities of your children. It’s all about making your children’s education important.
OBTAIN COUNSELING FOR YOUR CHILDREN, IF NECESSARY. Each child copes with divorce and change in their own way. Children benefit from having a neutral third party they can talk to and need a safe place to express their feelings. Children feel your anxiety and frustration. So, pay attention to their mental health needs.
NO DATING. Dating while divorcing shows the court you’re placing your emotional needs ahead of your children’s needs, and shows poor judgment on your part.
IF YOU MUST DATE. And if you must date, don’t introduce your children to your significant other, or have your significant other spend the night when you have custody of your children. Be mindful that your children are struggling emotionally with the breakup of their family. And if this relationship extends past the divorce, an introduction can take place after the divorce.
DATING…CONTINUED. If you were never married to the other parent and are in the middle of a custody battle, having multiple new people in and out of the children’s lives is not healthy or appropriate. So, stop doing it, or don’t start it!
NO OVERNIGHTS. Unless you need to spend the night away for business purposes, refrain from spending the night away from home. And be prepared to document these trips as business trips. Staying the night away from home can show your needs come before your children’s needs. And, even if they are business trips, it can be misconstrued as a possible affair.
JUST STOP! Don’t engage in name calling, arguing, or use of foul language with your ex while in front of your children. Your children are already conflicted, and don’t benefit by seeing you act badly towards your ex. These behaviors show a lack of discretion and places your children on the front line of the war.
NO FIGHTING AT EXCHANGES. You and your ex are there to exchange the children, not engage in battle with the other parent. If you’re having issues with the other parent’s behavior at exchanges, you may want to document the exchanges via video
TAKE THE BATTLE OUT OF IT. Don’t engage in text/email wars. Anything you put in writing can and will show up in court. Make sure that your communications are necessary and relevant regarding your children. If you send it, the judge may read it. So, take a moment before you hit the “send” button. Ask yourself, “do I want the judge to see this”?
NO BAD TALK. When the children are with you, focus your activities around them. Don’t spend your quality time with your children disparaging your ex. It just puts your children in the middle.
RELIGION. If you’ve always attended church with the children, continue to do so. However, if you and the children have no real religious history prior to the custody case, don’t manufacture an interest in religion to make yourself look better to the court.
DO YOU WANT A PERSONAL PROTECTION ORDER FILED AGAINST YOU? Don’t stalk, harass, or repeatedly call the ex. It may cause your mental health and character may be called into question by the judge. And worse yet, you may find yourself receiving a PPO.
NO ILLEGAL ACTIVITY OR ARRESTS. If you can’t refrain from participating in illegal activity or getting arrested during a custody case, you will not be awarded custody.
DON’T DRIVE WITHOUT A LICENSE. If your license has been revoked or suspended, don’t drive with your children in the car. Doing so shows complete disregard for the law.
DRUGS/ALCOHOL: If there are allegations of drug use and excessive drinking, then you need to stop. Nothing worse than failing a court ordered drug or alcohol test.
ARE YOUR ACTIVITIES BEING DOCUMENTED. It’s not uncommon for private investigators to be hired in custody cases. Who knows your habits better than your ex? And what better way to make you look bad than to get video footage of you drunk at the bar. So, refrain from going to bars during your custody case.

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY. GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Custody is a sensitive topic in divorce cases. Child custody mediation will put your child first and set you up for a healthy co-parenting relationship. With an experienced attorney and mediator like Laurie Schmitt, you will be able to navigate your new family dynamic with clear understanding and communication. Looking for a professional and experienced family law attorney, contact us online or give us a call at (616) 608-4634. At Schmitt Law, PLLC our commitment is to you!

Why Didn’t I Receive The Result In My Custody Case That I Expected?

April 3, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Custody cases are the most difficult of family law cases to litigate. If you are about to be, or are currently involved in a custody case, you should review this list. It may prevent you from finding yourself in a position of asking yourself why you didn’t receive the result you expected in your custody case.

I didn’t follow the guidelines of my attorney. It’s likely early in your professional relationship with your attorney there were discussions about what was expected from you. If you failed to follow those guidelines, it may have been a contributory factor in not being awarded the parenting time or custody you were seeking.
My communication with the other parent was harassing and/or off topic from issues related to the children. This is a simple rule to follow: while in the midst of a custody case, keep your communication with the other parent about the children. This means do not discuss the history of your relationship, what lead to the breakdown of your relationship, what angers you about the other parent, or make any derogatory statements to the other parent through your communication. Negative communication to the other parent can constitute harassment, it is unnecessary, and will not assist you in achieving your goals as a parent. And assume that all communications with the other parent will be shared with the judge.
I refused to stop drinking and/or using drugs. When a Michigan court makes a determination regarding custody and parenting time, they do so by reviewing the best interest factors. And one of the best interest factors is related to alcohol and drug use. An ongoing substance abuse or alcohol issue can be viewed by a judge as an impediment on your ability to appropriately care for your children.
I refused to address my anger issues. If domestic violence was an issue in your relationship with the other parent (or with any other significant other), you may want to seek professional assistance. Once again, a domestic violence issue is yet another best interest factor that will be heavily weighed by the judge in their final decision regarding custody and parenting time.
My expectations were not realistic from the start of the case. At your first consultation, it’s important to share your expectations with your attorney. And, it’s equally important for your attorney to inform you if your expectations are realistic. Client disappointments happen when clients want more than they can receive from the judge, and when attorneys overpromise.

LET ME WORRY ABOUT WHAT MATTERS MOST … YOUR FUTURE WITH YOUR FAMILY. GRAND RAPIDS CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

The hallmark of my family law practice is providing you with top quality legal service, and by being intensely responsive to my clients. I will work hard to protect your future with your children. I will help you to secure the best possible outcome in your custody case, by giving you your strongest voice in the family law process. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634.

Should My Kids Be On Social Media?

March 30, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Should you allow your kids to be using social media platforms and allowing your children to publicly document their entire childhood? This article will share how allowing your children to be on social media platforms can harm your custody case, and how judges approach this subject.

HOW JUDGES LOOK AT CHILDREN’S USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Judges often take the position that is shows poor judgment when parents allow their children to be on social media platforms. Judges also believe allowing children to be on social media platforms is inappropriate.

Note, that if you allow your children to be on a social media platform, it can be used against you in a custody case. Why?

In the State of Michigan, providing appropriate guidance for your children is one of the best interest factors judges review to make a determination regarding custody and parenting time. Judges take the position that allowing your child to be on social media can be evidence that you are not providing appropriate guidance for your children.

Additionally, judges believe allowing children to be on social media platforms can speak to your home environment. And a parent’s home environment is yet another best interest factor judges review in making their final decision on custody.

TERMS OF SERVICE FOR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

As a parent you need to understand the terms of service for each social media platform your children may be using. What is the minimum age for each platform? Judges do not take it lightly when parents allow their child to be on social media platform when they are too young to legally be on the platforms.

HOW SOCIAL MEDIA CAN HARM YOUR CHILD AS AN ADULT

Judges also believe your children can suffer long term consequences for statements made on social media platforms. Anything your children post on social media platforms can remain there forever. These posts can have significant impact your children as they become adults looking to get into college, looking for that scholarship, and looking for the first job.

REAL LIFE STORY

A story shared by a judge at a conference went as follows: the child was accepted to college on a full athletic scholarship. When the college did a background check on the child’s use of social media, they found comments they did not approve of.

These comments were made when the child was in high school. Yet, those comments were used against the child as the college rescinded this child’s athletic scholarship and admission into college.

To conclude, if you are in a custody battle, you need to think twice about allowing your children to be active on social media platforms. Of course, if your children are on social media platforms and how it can impact your case is dependent on your judge’s personal perspective, and can vary from judge to judge.

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY. GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are concerned about your children being on social media platforms while at the ex’s house, Schmitt Law, PLLC. We’ll help you pursue the best outcome in your family law dispute. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact us online or call (616) 608-4634.

Is It Best To Delay Our Divorce Until Our Children Are Grown?

March 9, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Potential clients come into the office seeking legal advice regarding a divorce. At times, I hear that maybe it’s best they wait until their children are grown before they divorce. These parents justify their position to wait and stay married until the children are grown for many reasons, as follows:

They can avoid the custody battle that they are sure will take place
They will be able to provide the children a more stable environment if they stay married
They will not have to uproot the children from the only home they have ever known
They will not have to relocate the children to a new school

It’s admirable to put your children’s needs first when it comes to a divorce. However, are you making the right decision when you decide to stay in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage until your children are grown? The truth is that while divorce does impact your children, it’s how you and your spouse handle yourselves during the divorce that matters. How well your children get through the changes depends on how well you help them through the process. What can you do to help your children through your divorce:

You can eliminate the conflict with your ex (at least while in the presence of your children)
To the best of your ability, keep your children’s schedules and routines the same as it was while you were married
Make sure that the children know you and your spouse love them and that they were not the reason for your divorce
Promote with your children that it is alright to love both you and your ex.
Address your anger and frustration with the divorce and your ex. Your children learn from your actions, and parrot back your behaviors.

There never is a perfect time to divorce. However, if you stay in your marriage, are you and your spouse able to provide the children with an emotionally safe and stable environment? Or, do you and your spouse argue, fight, or worse yet engage in the silent treatment with each other – all in ear shot of the children? When you are trying to decide to divorce verses stay married, you need to look at all of the circumstances and weigh the good against the bad.

How your children handle your divorce depends on how well you and your spouse work together towards a positive outcome in your divorce. What you decide to do will depend on your specific circumstances. Children are resilient. And perhaps what’s best is to provide them with two happy homes verses one filled with anxiety.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Hints For Parents Going Through A Custody Case

November 4, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Are you going through a heated custody case, or intend to be involved in a custody case in the near future? If so, the following list may help you from making unnecessary mistakes.

Attend ALL parent/teacher conferences with your children’s school
Stay in weekly contact with the teachers (through email, telephone or in person)
Address issues your children are having in school
Attend all extra-curricular school activities of the children
Place the children in counseling (if necessary)
No dating – it shows the court that you are placing the children’s needs ahead of your own
Do not spend the night away from home unless it is for business (and it can be documented as such)
Do not have boyfriends/girlfriends spend the night (once again, no dating)
No social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.,)
Do not argue or use foul language with the other parent (especially in front of the children)
Do not disparage the other parent in front of the children
Attend church with the children and enroll them in any activities that are age appropriate
Do not stalk, harass, or continually call the other parent
Make sure all emails to the other parent are of a content you would not be embarrassed to have a judge read (as they can be used against you in a custody evaluation and at trial)
No drug or alcohol use: you may be required by the court to take a drug screen
Do not go to bars or nightclubs with friends/girlfriends/boyfriends (as any activity maybe documented and used against you at trial)
If your license has been revoked or suspended, no driving
No fighting or encounters with the other parent when you are at exchanges
If you are having issues at exchanges, document the exchanges via video
No illegal activity: do not get arrested
If the other party has alleged that you have a drug or alcohol issue – obtain a drug screen every thirty (30) days during the duration of the divorce
Do not test “dirty” on any drug screen
Note that your activities may be documented by a private investigator and used at trial

CONTACT SCHMITT LAW, PLLC FOR LEGAL ADVICE ON CUSTODY. GRAND RAPIDS FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

What Is An Ex Parte Motion With Regard To Children?

August 19, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

EX PARTE DEFINED

An ex parte motion is a motion filed with the court and signed by a judge before the other party is given notice of the motion, and before they are given an opportunity to be heard in front of the court.

WHAT YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO PROVE AN EX PARTE MOTION

You must clearly show in your ex parte motion that the minor child will suffer irreparable injury, loss or damage will result from the delay required to effect notice.

CIRCUMSTANCES WHEN AN EX PARTE MOTION MAY BE APPROPRIATE

Some of the reasons an individual would file an ex parte motion in a family law case are as follows:

A parent has taken the children and is hiding them
A parent refuses to return the children per the terms of the custody/parenting time order
A parent has moved the children to another state without permission of the other parent or without obtaining a court order from the judge
A parent has recently become homeless and has no safe place to visit with the children

WHY EX PARTE MOTIONS FAIL

Judges vary greatly as to what they deem an emergency meriting the issuance of an ex parte order. With the same facts presented, some judges will issue an ex parte order, while others will not. Judges require compelling reasons to grant an ex parte order, as a request for an ex parte order is done without giving the other person notice of the motion, and done without a hearing.

Common reasons why ex parte motions fail:

The judge believes that the crisis has passed.
The moving party failed to provide enough facts in their ex parte motion to clearly define the emergency.
The circumstances do not meet the test of “the minor child will suffer irreparable injury, loss or damage will result from the delay required to effect notice”.

PARTIES MAY OBJECT TO AN EX PARTE ORDER

If you have been served with an ex parte order, you have the right to object. You may

file a written objection to an ex parte order or file a motion to modify or rescind the ex parte order. You must file the written objection or motion with the clerk of the court within 14 days after you were served with the ex parte order.

IF YOU DO NOT OBJECT TO THE EX PARTE ORDER

The ex parte order will automatically become a temporary order if you do not file a written objection or motion to modify or rescind the ex parte order and a request for a hearing. Even if an objection is filed, the ex parte order will remain in effect and must be obeyed unless changed by a later court order. MCR 3.207(B).

WE CAN HELP!

We know your legal issues are unique and special. Call us, we will listen. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634.

The Importance of Preserving a Relationship With Your Former Spouse When There Are Children

July 20, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Can preserving a relationship with your former spouse even be accomplished? Yes, it can, and successfully.

Why is it important to preserve a relationship with your former spouse? So that you can raise emotionally healthy children.

How do I go about preserving a relationship with someone I divorced? After all, we are divorced for a reason. The following are common sense ideas on how and why you should preserve your relationship with your former spouse:

Would you really speak to someone at your dentist’s office the way you speak to your former spouse? Act as if you are interacting with someone in a business relationship – be cordial and polite. I didn’t say it’s required to respect your former spouse. But you can interact with them in an appropriate way.
Don’t let your former spouse push your buttons, nor should you push theirs. It’s true that there is no better person to know how to get us angry in a second. However, it will serve no greater good in the long run to engage in negative back-and-forth behavior. It’s time to move from the past and make a paradigm shift…that we need to be good people to raise good children.
Be a good role model for your children…yes, they are watching and listening to both of you.
Why must everything a battle? Learn to compromise.
Don’t let significant others or spouses get in the way of maintaining a positive relationship with your former spouse. It will benefit your current relationship if you reduce the friction with your former spouse. Who wants to go on date night and listen to you spend the entire evening complaining about your former spouse.
Yes, there will be different rules and lifestyles at your former spouse’s home then you may have at your home. Accept that you do not have control or influence on how your former spouse lives, nor how they raise the children during their parenting time.
Try and respect the decisions your former spouse makes regarding the children during their parenting time. If it benefits the children, then support the decision.

To summarize, if you maintain a civil relationship with your former spouse, the children will be the winners. It’s important to look into the future and know that children grow up and become adults. If you create a healthy relationship with your former spouse now while the children are young, there is a greater likelihood that your children will want both of you at their extracurricular events, their high school graduation, their college graduation, and their wedding.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Child Custody – The Best Interest Factors

July 13, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Child custody and parenting time can be two of the most difficult issues to address for parents who are divorcing, or unmarried parents.

It’s important that parents understand that custody and parenting time decisions are determined by the judge. In making a ruling on custody and parenting time, the judge is concerned with what is in the best interest of the children, and will review the best interest factors.

The following are the best interest factors with sample questions under each factor. These questions will provide you with an idea of what the judge is reviewing under each factor.

1. The love, affection and other emotional ties existing between the parties involved and the child. (A)

To whom is the child more closely bonded?
When the child has a problem, to whom does the child speak?
When the child has a triumph, to whom does the child speak?
Who spends more hours per day with the child?
Who prepares the child’s meals?
Who has the ability to separate the child’s needs from their own and to empathize with the child?
To whom does the child openly show signs
How does the child relate to each parent?

2. The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection and guidance and to continue the education and raising of the child in his or her religion or creed, if any. (B)

Who bathes and dresses the child?
Who stays home from work when the child is sick?
Who takes responsibility for involvement in academic affairs?
Who takes responsibility for involvement in extracurricular activities?
Who disciplines the child?
Who uses preferable discipline techniques?
Who has preference because of the other’s verbal abuse, substance abuse, or arrest record?
Who has preference because of the ability to provide the child access to an?
extended family?
Who has been most consistent in the guidance of the child as it relates to their education and faith?

3. The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in place of medical care, and other material needs. (C)

Who buys the groceries, plans and cooks the meals?
Who makes purchases for the child?
Who attends to special needs of the child?
Who has greater earning capacity?Who adjusts working hours based on the needs of the child?
Who has certainty of future income?
Who has the ability to provide insurance for the child?
Who attends classes for professional involvement?
Who has requisite knowledge to meet the needs of the child?
Who has kept up vaccinations and daily hygiene?
Who schedules and takes the child to medical appointments?
Who schedules and takes the child to dental appointments?
Who arranges for and supervises child care?

4. The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity. (D)

Who has provided the greatest sense of stability of residence for the child?
Who is more likely to provide stability in the future?
Who can provide a safe environment?
Who can provide continuity of the child’s overall custodial environment?

5. The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes. (E)

In whose custody will the family unit not be split?

6. The moral fitness of the parties involved. (F)

Here, the focus is not to punish a parent. Rather, it is on the effect the parties’ behavior has had, or will continue to have on the child, and how the individual functions as a parent. For example:
Who has priority as a result of the other party having an extramarital affair known by the children?
Has either party engaged in any of the following conduct:
Verbal abuse
Drinking problem
Poor driving record
Physical or sexual abuse of the child
Other illegal or offensive behaviors.

7. The mental and physical health of the parties involved. (G)

Does either party have a physical or mental health problem that significantly interferes with the ability to safeguard the child’s health and well-being?
Age of contestant compared to age of the child—would energies of the child overwhelm the contestant?

8. The home, school, and community record of the child. (H)

Who can provide leadership to attend school?
Who can provide leadership in extracurricular activity participation?
Who is actively involved in school conferences, transportation, and attendance at school events?
Who can more adequately assist reducing the necessity for other agency involvement (the juvenile court, the DHS), or if another agency is involved, who can cooperate more fully?
Who can more adequately assure the child’s access to friends and peers useful for the child’s development?
Who can more adequately plan and supervise the child’s undertaking of home responsibilities that are appropriate to the child’s age and circumstances?
Who takes responsibility for completion of school assignments?

9. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference. (I)

This is relevant only if the child appears mature enough and capable of expressing with whom they prefer living, absent the product of manipulation or coercion.

10. The willingness and ability of each of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent or the child and the parents. (J)

Who can best cooperate with an appropriate parenting time schedule by the other party? Who is least likely to disparage the other parent in the presence of the child based upon past performance?
Has either party actively sought to alienate the child from the other parent?

11. Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child. (K)

Have there been incidents of violence in the home by any party against any party? If so, has there been a police report, arrest or conviction? Has there been a pattern of violence whether reported or not reported?

12. Any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to a particular child (L)

Who can most likely address the special needs of the child?
Has either parent threatened to kidnap the child?
Does either parent spend excessive time traveling for the child?
Does either parent have a record of failure to exercise parenting time, failure to notify, or failure to return the child?
Who has responsibility for the actual and proposed child care arrangements?

CUSTODY ATTORNEY

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we help parents work together to create a parenting plan that is in the best interests of your children. Through mediation, collaboration, or litigation, if necessary, our knowledgeable Michigan family law attorney will be your advocate and help you through this difficult time. To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact us online or call (616) 608-4634.

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