Collaborative Divorce

Can You Control Lifestyle Differences In Your Ex’s House?

April 17, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Courts don’t adjudicate values for your children. They leave that for parents. If you and your spouse are getting divorced or are already divorced, you may not share the same values or lifestyles. So, what can you do when you and your ex have different rules and lifestyles in your homes for your children?

You need to find a way to accept that you and your ex are ending or have ended your marriage for a reason. And you need to accept the reality that each of you have the right to make different decisions and implement different rules for the children while the children are in your care. You need to manage your expectations now, for what’s about to come: each parent having the right to control their homes during their parenting time.

If it’s not illegal, considered neglect or abuse, or putting the children in danger, the court will not get involved in micromanaging you or your ex’s lifestyle and decisions regarding your children.

Even if you and your ex disagree on decisions for the children, you and your ex get to decide what takes place in your respective homes. These are just a few examples of decisions parent gets to make when the children are in that parent’s care:

What the children may eat
What clothes the children may wear
What bed times the children will have
The children’s access, use, duration and choices of tv, video games, cell phone use, internet access, and social media platforms
What activities they will participate in
How they will wear their hair

These are just a few issues the court will not involve themselves in:

Mom/dad lets me stay up later
Mom/dad lets me play that video game
Mom/dad lets me listen to that music
Mom/Dad said I could at their house

Ask yourself, if your ex’s decisions are negatively impacting the health, safety, or welfare of your children? Your inclination may be to jump to the answer yes, of course their decisions are bad for the children. But will the court agree with you?

FINAL TIP: You may not approve of your ex’s decisions nor would you make the same choices at your house. But that’s the very definition of lifestyle differences. So, before you litigate lifestyle differences, ask yourself if you can show the court that a health, safety, or welfare issue is involved. Disagreements, conflicts, and differences about lifestyles will not be enough to convince a court to micromanage your ex’s life.

PROVIDING SOLUTIONS FOR FAMILIES.GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent, and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

Are You On The Divorce Roller-Coaster?

April 13, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Divorce is a painful and emotionally stressful time for everyone. And divorce can be one of the hardest decisions to make in life. So, it’s no surprise that with divorce comes a roller-coaster of emotions.

Albeit I am not a trained counselor, my experience as a divorce attorney means I assist people every day who are going through the painful process of ending their marriage. And in my experience people who enter into my office find themselves in various emotional stages.

The following are just a few of the more common emotional stages that you may find yourself in while going through your divorce.

ANGER: You’re angry that your spouse has asked you for a divorce, and/or filed for the divorce. And anger is a natural reaction. It’s what you do next that matters. If you’re struggling with your anger, seek professional help to get you through your divorce.

DISBELIEF: You feel blindsided – you never saw the divorce coming. You thought you and your spouse had a solid marriage. You can’t believe your finding yourself faced with your marriage ending. Once again, there is no shame in seeking professional assistance in addressing your feelings.

FEAR: You have no idea what’s going to happen next. You worry about where you’ll live after the divorce. You wonder if you can afford to be divorced – if you’ll be able to support yourself after the divorce. You worry about how your divorce will impact the children. (See blogs “Divorce Fears”).

EMBARRASSMENT: It’s relatively common for you to feel embarrassed that you’re in the midst of the divorce. Your divorce can affect your friendships, your family relationships, your religious associations, and even your relationships with your children.

ACCEPTANCE: After time, you’ll accept the divorce and your new life. It’s not if you will come to accept your divorce, it’s how long your journey takes to find acceptance of your new status in life. Acceptance allows you to move on and realize that your past does not need to define your future.

RENEWAL: Your divorce has been ongoing for months but you see the end in sight. And you are ready to complete your divorce and move on with the next chapter of your life. You find yourself feeling content, and at peace. You’re finding your new life and where you fit into it. And you realize you can do it!

HELPING PEOPLE START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THEIR LIVES GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PPLC, we understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

What Do These Words Mean? Divorce Terms – Simplified

March 27, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

As if the decision of getting divorced isn’t stressful enough, there’s the confusion of learning the legalese that’s used by the court and attorneys through your divorce process. The following is a glossary of terms you may hear throughout your divorce.

Affidavit: A written statement of facts made under oath and signed before a Notary Public. Affidavits are attached to motions and are used to support the allegations being made. The attorney will prepare an affidavit to present relevant facts, and the person making the statements will sign the Affidavit.

Allegation: A statement that one party claims is true.

Answer: A written response to the Complaint for Divorce. It serves to admit or deny the allegations in the Complaint for Divorce.

Child Custody: The legal rights and responsibilities awarded by a court for the possession of, care of, and decision-making for a minor child.

Child Support: Financial support for a child paid by one parent to the other parent.

Complaint for Divorce: The first document filed with the clerk of court in an action for divorce. The Complaint for Divorce sets forth the facts on which the relief is based.

Contempt of Court: The willful and intentional failure of a party to comply with a court order. Contempt of court may be punishable by fines or incarceration.

Contested Divorce Case: A case in which the parties cannot reach an agreement and requires a trial to have the judge decide the disputed issues.

Court Order: A court-issued document setting forth the orders entered by the judge presiding over the divorce. A “Consent Order” can be issued based upon the parties’ agreement. An Order can also be issued based on the judge’s decision.

Cross-Examination: The questioning of a witness by the opposing attorney during trial in response to questions asked by the other attorney.

Defendant: The responding party to a divorce; the party who did not file the Complaint for Divorce.

Deposition: A witness’s testimony taken out of court, under oath, and in the presence of lawyers and a court reporter. If a person gives different testimony at the time of trial, he or she can be impeached with their deposition testimony.

Direct Examination: The initial questioning of a witness in court by the attorney who called him or her to the stand.

Discovery: A process used by lawyers to discover information from the opposing party for the purpose of fully assessing a case for settlement or trial. Some types of discovery include interrogatories, requests for production of documents, and requests for admissions.

Equitable Distribution of Property: The method by which real and personal property and debts are divided in a divorce. Michigan law requires that marital property and debts be divided in an equitable manner.

Ex Parte: The term used to describe an appearance of only one party or attorney before the judge, without the other party or attorney being present. As an example, if you file an ex parte motion, you are asking the judge to sign it prior to a hearing being held, and before the other party has knowledge or ability to challenge the motion.

Hearing: Any proceeding before the court for the purpose of resolving disputed issues between the parties through the presentation of testimony, affidavits, exhibits, or argument.

Hold-Harmless Clause: A term in a Judgment of Divorce that requires one party to assume responsibility for a debt and to protect the other spouse from any loss or expense in connection with it. Basically, one party is ordered to hold the other party harmless from liability.

Interrogatories: Written questions sent from one party to the other that are used to obtain facts or information related to the divorce.

Joint Legal Custody: The parents share the decision-making rights, responsibilities, and authority relating to the health, education, and welfare of their child.

Joint Physical Custody: When each of the parents have significant, but not necessarily equal, periods of time with the child.

Judgment of Divorce: A final court order dissolving the marriage, dividing property and debts, ordering custody, parenting time, and child support.

Mediation: A process by which a neutral third party facilitates negotiations between the parties on the issues pending in the divorce.

Motion: A written pleading to the court requesting specific relief, such as temporary child support, child custody, or spousal maintenance.

Notice of Hearing: A written pleading listing the date and place of a hearing and the nature of the matters that will be heard by the court.

Party: The person in a legal action whose rights or interests will be affected by the divorce.

Plaintiff: The person who filed the Complaint for Divorce.

Pleadings: Documents filed by the court.

Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO): A type of court order that provides for direct payment from a retirement account to a former spouse.

Request for Production of Documents: A written request for documents sent from one party to the other during the discovery process.

Show Cause: Written motion to the court to hold another person in contempt of court for violating or failing to comply with a current court order.

Stipulation: An agreement reached between parties.

Spousal Support: Payments from one party to the other.

Subpoena: A document delivered to a person or witness that requires him or her to appear in court, appear for a deposition or produce documents.

Temporary Restraining Order (TRO): An order of the court prohibiting a party from certain behavior. For example, a TRO may order a person not to transfer any funds during a pending divorce action.

Trial: A formal court hearing in which a judge will decide disputed issues raised by the parties’ pleadings.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

We understand that filing for divorce can be an emotional and confusing experience. That’s why we are committed to providing personalized service to each client we represent and will be with you through this difficult journey. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we encourage clients to take a more collaborative approach to divorce that promotes positive communication and cooperation. Through mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Laurie guides her clients through amicable divorce settlements so they can move forward with their life. To discuss your circumstances and legal options, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Or contact us online to arrange a consultation.

What Is The Role Of A Mediator?

March 23, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

In getting your divorce settled, it can be a long and expensive process. However, there is an alternative – Mediation. So, what is a mediator, what makes it better than litigation, how does it work, and will the mediator be our attorney?

WHAT IS A MEDIATOR?

A mediator is a third-party neutral that helps you and your spouse reach an agreement on your divorce issues.

WHAT MAKES MEDIATION BETTER THAN COURT?

A successful mediation is one in which you and your spouse reach an agreement on the issues in your case. Reaching an agreement in mediation saves you and your spouse time and expense of litigation.

HOW DOES MEDIATION WORK?

In a typical mediation, the parties and their attorneys are present, and the mediator works with both parties and their respective attorneys to reach an agreement. Once the parties have come to an agreement, the mediator will draft a mediation agreement. Once drafted, you and your spouse will sign the mediation agreement, and the mediation agreement now becomes a binding contract that can be upheld in court.

IS A MEDIATOR AN ATTORNEY AS WELL?

Yes, a mediator may be an attorney. However, you and your spouse should not confuse the mediator’s role in your divorce. The mediator’s is to help you and your spouse settle your divorce case. But a mediator may not be used as a shared attorney for you and your spouse.

WHAT IS A MEDIATOR ALLOWED TO DO?

A mediator may:

Assist you and your spouse with collaboration and negotiations to help you reach an agreement
Identify you and your spouse’s needs and interests
Assist you and your spouse to communicate in a productive way
Remains neutral with both parties

WHAT IS A MEDIATOR PROHIBITED FROM DOING?

A mediator, even if licensed as an attorney, may not:

Function as a “shared” attorney for you and your spouse
Must not represent either you or your spouse in your divorce
Provide you or your spouse with legal advice
Comment on the fairness of the agreement
Advise either you or your spouse if you could get more in court
Must not favor one party over the other
Cannot complete your Judgement of Divorce, child support order, or qualified domestic relations orders

GET HELP FINALIZING YOUR DIVORCE. GRAND RAPIDS DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Divorce in Michigan is a complicated procedure with long-term implications. It’s important to understand your rights and duties at each stage of the proceeding so that you will be in the best position to move forward during and after the divorce. Advice from an experienced divorce attorney can make all the difference in your outcome.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we work to ensure that our clients have the information and guidance they need to make the right decisions for their family and their future. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

My Spouse Just Asked For A Divorce, What Do I Do?

March 20, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Your spouse just asked for a divorce. It may be that you never saw this coming, have been completely blindsided by this news, and are shocked and confused. Or maybe you knew this conversation was coming. Either way, it’s hard to hear your spouse say “I want a divorce”.

Now that the actual “divorce” word has been spoken, you’re not sure what your next step should be. Should you take action? Or, do you wait for your spouse to make the next move? It seems so overwhelming.

WHY SHOULD YOU SEEK A CONSULTATION WITH A DIVORCE ATTORNEY BEFORE YOUR DIVORCE IS EVEN FILED?

If your spouse just informed you that they want a divorce, it’s time for you to take action and seek a consultation with a divorce attorney. You don’t have to be the one to file the divorce. But at this point, you need to understand your rights and obligations as it relates to a divorce.

WHAT SHOULD YOU TALK ABOUT AT THE INTIAL CONSULTATION?

During your consultation you should ask questions about the divorce process and issue that specifically relate to your situation. If you have minor children you need to discuss custody, parenting time, and child support. If you own a home, you need to talk about what will happen with the home. If you have personal property, you need to know how it will be divided. If you have retirement accounts, you need to talk about how these accounts will be divided. If you have a long-term marriage, you want to find out if you are entitled to spousal support (or if you will have an obligation to pay). If you own a business, you should understand how that business interest will be divided.

WHAT IS THE BENEFIT OF A CONSULTATION?

With knowledge comes peace of mind. By seeking a consultation with a divorce attorney now, you can obtain answers to your questions before your family, friends, and spouse share their opinions. By seeking a consultation now, you can learn how the divorce process really works, and what possible outcomes you can expect – it can help you understand what will happen and take steps to face it. You do not want to face this challenge alone and should seek legal representation to guide you through the divorce process.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

What Your Divorce Attorney Cannot Do For You

March 16, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

If you are about to file for divorce, it’s important you to know what your divorce attorney can’t do for you. The following are things your divorce attorney can’t do for you.

CHANGE THE MICHIGAN LAW

Simply put, your divorce attorney doesn’t have a magic wand to change the law as it relates to your divorce case. You may love what position the Michigan law supports, or not. But your divorce attorney can’t change the law.

SPEED UP YOUR CASE

Your divorce attorney can’t change the mandatory waiting period in your divorce case. Michigan law establishes waiting periods depending on the individual circumstances.

If you do not have minor children of the marriage: There is a two-month waiting period after the filing of the Verified Complaint for Divorce has been filed.
If you have minor children of the marriage: There is a six-month waiting period after the after the filing of the Verified Complaint for Divorce has been filed.

A Judgment of Divorce cannot be entered earlier than these established times.

ACT UNETHICALLY

When your divorce attorney represents you, they must do so within the applicable parameters of Michigan law. This means your divorce attorney can’t be required to engage in conduct that is illegal, unethical, or fraudulent. If your divorce attorney can’t ethically abide by your requests, they must withdraw from representing you.

TAKE ACTION AGAINST THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR CHILD(REN)

If your divorce involves minor children, your divorce attorney will refuse to engage in conduct that, in their professional judgment and knowledge of the law, would be contrary to the best interests of Client’s minor child(ren). This means your attorney can’t assert any position or engage in any action that they deem contrary to the minor child(ren)’s best interests.

COMMUNICATE WITH THIRD PARTIES

Your divorce attorney can’t talk to third parties, and must protect information relating to the representation of you from disclosure to third parties. If you wish for your divorce attorney to speak to third parties such as family members, you must provide them with specific consent to do so.

MAKE PROMISES ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF YOUR CASE

Your divorce attorney can’t make any representation to you, nor any assurances as to the favorable or successful resolution of your case. This means your divorce attorney can’t promise you a specific outcome, nor make promises as to the nature or amount of any awards or distributions of property, attorney’s fees, costs, or any other aspect in your divorce. It’s important to note that your divorce attorney can’t promise you particular results as the court has the sole power to decide all issues.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are contemplating or in the process of a divorce or separation, contact the Michigan divorce attorney, Schmitt Law, PLLC. Our office understands that family law matters often involve complex relationships and dynamics that can enhance decision-making stress. We provide clients with the security to approach these challenges with confidence. Our dedicated attorney will provide clients with individualized attention and strategic case preparation to address all parts of their cases. We invite you to contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Why Does Schmitt Law, PLLC Charge For An Initial Consultation?

March 13, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Schmitt Law, PLLC receives many calls requesting a free consultation. Most people accept that attorneys charge a fee for their time. But callers still believe they shouldn’t have to pay for a consultation, because they can obtain a free consultation from other attorneys.

A paid consultation avoids time-wasters — and here’s why Schmitt Law, PLLC charges for their initial consultation:

TIME IS A LIMITED COMMODITY

When you hire Schmitt Law, PLLC, you receive personal service and prompt replies to your communication. In order for us to provide the level of service that you deserve, we can’t afford to tie up our time giving free legal advice.

SHOPPING SPOUSES

It’s not unheard of for spouses to shop attorneys. This means your spouse may seek consultations with numerous attorneys in an effort to limit your options when you go to hire an attorney. Once a family law attorney has met with you or your spouse, they are barred from meeting with the other spouse. Charging a nominal consultation fee is often a deterrent to this behavior.

QUALITY OF THE CONSULTATION

The old saying is you get what you pay for. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we want to provide you with the best advice possible at your initial consultation. In order to do so, we need to have a complete picture of your situation. So that we may properly analyze your case, our consultations are one hour (or more).

JUST LOOKING FOR FREE LEGAL ADVICE

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, we want to meet with people serious in retaining our firm. So often people want a free initial consultation as they believe that if they obtain enough information, they can run their case on their own. We have no intention of wasting your time, or overselling you on services you do not require. And in turn we do not want our time wasted. If you are looking for general advice, please review our blogs and website.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC, after reviewing the facts in your case, we will provide you with a detailed explanation of your rights as it pertains to divorce. We will help you to obtain the information you require to help you move forward.

GRAND RAPIDS DIVORCE COLLABORATIVE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you need to know more about a Michigan divorce, including how to file for a divorce, contact an experienced attorney, Laurie Schmitt at Schmitt Law, PLLC. Schedule your consultation today with a dedicated attorney. We look forward to speaking to you and being your advocate during this crucial time in reframing your life. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634 to arrange a consultation.

Is It Best To Delay Our Divorce Until Our Children Are Grown?

March 9, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

Potential clients come into the office seeking legal advice regarding a divorce. At times, I hear that maybe it’s best they wait until their children are grown before they divorce. These parents justify their position to wait and stay married until the children are grown for many reasons, as follows:

They can avoid the custody battle that they are sure will take place
They will be able to provide the children a more stable environment if they stay married
They will not have to uproot the children from the only home they have ever known
They will not have to relocate the children to a new school

It’s admirable to put your children’s needs first when it comes to a divorce. However, are you making the right decision when you decide to stay in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage until your children are grown? The truth is that while divorce does impact your children, it’s how you and your spouse handle yourselves during the divorce that matters. How well your children get through the changes depends on how well you help them through the process. What can you do to help your children through your divorce:

You can eliminate the conflict with your ex (at least while in the presence of your children)
To the best of your ability, keep your children’s schedules and routines the same as it was while you were married
Make sure that the children know you and your spouse love them and that they were not the reason for your divorce
Promote with your children that it is alright to love both you and your ex.
Address your anger and frustration with the divorce and your ex. Your children learn from your actions, and parrot back your behaviors.

There never is a perfect time to divorce. However, if you stay in your marriage, are you and your spouse able to provide the children with an emotionally safe and stable environment? Or, do you and your spouse argue, fight, or worse yet engage in the silent treatment with each other – all in ear shot of the children? When you are trying to decide to divorce verses stay married, you need to look at all of the circumstances and weigh the good against the bad.

How your children handle your divorce depends on how well you and your spouse work together towards a positive outcome in your divorce. What you decide to do will depend on your specific circumstances. Children are resilient. And perhaps what’s best is to provide them with two happy homes verses one filled with anxiety.

GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Collaborative Divorce

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