Communication

Are You Being A Jerk In Your Communicating With The Other Parent?

February 12, 2024 By Laurie Schmitt

Are you being respectful in your communications with the other parent? Or are you being a jerk? Is your communication necessary, or just sent to harass the other parent? Do you respond to the other parent’s communications just as badly as they communicate with you?

HOW SHOULD YOU COMMUNICATE?

If your relationship with the other parent is contentious, then be smart about how you communicate with them. Limit your communication to texting or a parental app and keep it to essential communication about the children. If you don’t have a legitimate issue regarding the children that must be addressed with the other party, then don’t send the text.

ARE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS SUBJECT TO THE JUDGE’S SCRUTINY?

Be smart. Anything you communicate in writing to the other parent can (and will be) brought into court as evidence and used against you. Before you send your text ask yourself if you would want the judge to see your text. And ask yourself if your text shows you in a flattering or derogatory light to the judge. Offensive and disparaging comments aimed at the other parent will be used to show your lack of fitness as a parent.

HOW SHOULD YOU RESPOND TO COMMUNICATION?

If you are receiving derogatory communication from the other parent, learn to have self-control when you receive a text that upsets you. There’s no law saying you must respond immediately. In fact, the communication you receive may not require any response at all. Be the bigger person, as nothing is gained by keeping the bantering going. If you engage with the other parent, the judge considers you just as bad as the person who sent the original text. Just remember, inappropriate texts and responses can be used against you in court.

IN SUMMARY

While the other parent may poke at you via text, email, or calls, this is the time for you to dig deep and develop self-control about how and when to interact with the other parent. Take control and learn to select when you will respond, and how you will respond (if at all). Taking back control will lower your anxiety and reduce the back and forth between you and the other parent. And if your case does end up in front of the judge, you have not given the judge anything to hold against you.

LET ME WORRY ABOUT WHAT MATTERS MOST … YOUR FAMILY. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

The hallmark of my family law practice is providing you with top quality legal service by being intensely responsive to my clients. I will work hard to protect your rights to your children and property by helping you to secure the best possible outcome to complex legal situations, and giving you your strongest voice in the family law process.

To schedule a consultation or learn more about our services, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or call (616) 608-4634. Our office is located at 411 Hall Street SW, Suite 112D, Grand Rapids, MI 49503.

What Can I Do If The Other Parent Refuses To Visit The Children?

December 4, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

When parenting time orders are entered, whether via agreement by the parties or by the court at the conclusion of litigation, it’s the court’s expectation the parents will exercise the parenting time they have just fought for, or agreed to. This expectation of the court is logical. However, people sometimes forego parenting time for various reasons. This can include employment schedule changes, relocation, relationship issues with the children, and more.

And it’s frustrating to you when the other parent refuses to exercise their parenting time per the court order, and when they fail to be a parent to your children. But just because it’s been a long time since the other parent has exercised their parenting time, or fails to exercise their parenting time consistently, it’s not a justification for you to refuse parenting time to the other parent.

Even if the other parent hardly sees the children, you may not unilaterally withhold parenting time in violation of the terms of that court order. In Michigan, parenting time orders are treated seriously, and it is forbidden for parents to unilaterally deny parenting time. And you’re not within your right to unilaterally change the terms of the parenting time order simply because the other parent is not exercising their parenting time per the terms of the court order.

Courts have stated they can’t force a parent to exercise their parenting time, that parents can opt in and out as parents, and that it happens all of the time. But just because the other parent fails to exercise their parenting time consistently, does not allow you to take matters into your own hands.

If you are concerned about the other parenting failing to exercise their parenting time, then you may want to pursue a modification. In these situations, it’s important to ask why is the other parent not exercising their parenting time and how long has this been going on. If the other parent, without valid justification and for a decent length of time, has failed to exercise their parenting time, a modification of the parenting time order may be appropriate. If you believe a change in parenting time or custody is appropriate, then you must file a motion. The judge can review your motion and decide if they are willing to change your current custody or parenting time order.

However, before you take action, what is your goal? What do you hope to accomplish with the judge? If the other parent refuses to see the children now, or is inconsistent with their involvement with the children, any changes to the court order may not incentivize them to step up as parents. And many judges do not believe the failure to exercise parenting time as defined in your court order is enough to change custody or parenting time.

So, before you file your motion seek legal counsel to discuss the specific facts in your case. Let’s sit down and talk about your options. Let’s see what’s best for you, and your children, given your specific circumstances.

CHILDREN ARE FIRST. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

Let’s discuss the specifics of your situation. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we understand that the interests of your children always come first. Whatever your situation, Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced, sympathetic and willing to help you achieve the best outcome for your entire family. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation. Our office is located at 401 Hall Street SW, Suite 112D, Grand Rapids, MI 45903.

Why Can’t Parents Get Along? Four Common Sense Rules

February 2, 2023 By Laurie Schmitt

So many issues in divorce or custody cases are simply brought on by the unwillingness of parents to get along for the sake of their children. And yes, I said “their”, as children have, want, and need two parents.

So, what can you do to make your situation better with the other parent? Four common-sense rules, if followed, would go a long way to making your relationship bearable or even better with the other parent:

Watch your tone when you speak to the other parent, as they may read into your tone a meaning that just wasn’t there. You both know each other better than most people, and can push each other’s buttons. So, try to keep your conversation respectful in tone and nature.
Don’t argue or have adult conversations in the presence of the children. Arguing and adult conversations between the two of you should take place privately, as children do not need to be placed between their parents.
Don’t discuss any ongoing court case with the children. When children know about pending litigation, it only stresses them out about their future.
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Don’t let the other parent lure you into making derogatory statements to them that can, and most likely will, be used against you in court. The golden rule: if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

When dealing with the other parent, keep your focus on your children and their emotional needs. This is no longer about you, your anger, or your resentment for the other parent. This is about what your children need…two parents who can show them they are still loved by both parents, and that it is ok for them to love both of you. It’s not hard to be the positive role model your children need.

CHILDREN ARE FIRST. GRAND RAPIDS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

At Schmitt Law, PLLC we understand that the interests of your children always come first. Whatever your situation, Schmitt Law, PLLC is experienced, sympathetic and willing to help you achieve the best outcome for your entire family. Contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Why Must Parents Be Disrespectful With One Another?

October 24, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Lately, there have been an overwhelming number of clients that have shared with me that every conversation, communication, and interaction with the other parent includes one or all of the following: swearing, name calling, arguing, obstructionist/undermining behavior, or outright tirades.

Why must these negative interactions take place? What is gained by acting this way? And what can you do if it is happening to you?

If you are at your wits end because every encounter with the other parent is a struggle, the following tips may be helpful:

Limit how you will communicate with the other parent: via email or text only.
Limit what you will respond to: only important and necessary subject matters related to the children.
In a moment of anger, do not engage in reciprocal negative communication.
Take control. You decide when you will respond to the other parent. There is no rule that you must respond immediately to someone who is acting inappropriately. Take a moment, calm yourself, and respond only to what is necessary. This may mean that you respond several hours later, the next day, or not at all if no response is necessary.
If the behavior of the other parent is completely out of control, request the court for an order requiring all communication to take place through Our Family Wizard. Our Family Wizard is an online service that allows you to communicate with the other parent regarding parenting time, exchanges, appointments and schedules of the children, and to request expenses to be paid. It takes the stress out of unwanted and unexpected emails, texts, and calls from the other parent. And, all communications are documented and can be used later in court, if necessary.

Unfortunately, some parents refuse to see the value in effective co-parenting, and refuse to be respectful in their dealings with the other parent. Know that you will never change their behavior. But you can take back some control and change how you react.

EXPERIENCED CUSTODY ATTORNEY SERVING KENT, OTTAWA, AND ALLEGAN COUNTY.

If you are experiencing ineffective co-parenting with the other parent, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC to discuss what your options may be. At Schmitt Law, PLLC we are experienced in family law cases involving visitation and custody. Over the years, we have successfully represented hundreds of clients in complicated cases. For skilled legal guidance, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC online or (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

What Should I Ask My Divorce Attorney At The First Meeting?

July 18, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Asking the right questions at the initial interview will assist you in determining if you and the attorney will be a good fit to work together. v And, obtaining answers from the beginning of the attorney-client relationship can set a positive tone between you and the attorney. Remember, this is your interview. You should feel free to ask the attorney anything you have concerns about.

HOW LONG WILL MY DIVORCE CASE TAKE?

Under Michigan law, if there are no minor children of the marriage, the mandatory wait period is 60 days from the date of filing the complaint for divorce. If there are minor children of the marriage, the statutory wait period is six months from the date of filing the complaint for divorce. These statutory wait periods are defined in MCL 552.9(f). Realistically, a contested divorce in the state of Michigan can take 8-12 months.

WHO WILL I ACTUALLY BE WORKING WITH?

Will you be working with the attorney you interviewed with or an associate of the firm? Understand who you are hiring. If you will be working with an associate, meet them before you retain the law firm. The point of a consultation is to see if you can have a successful working relationship with the attorney. It’s hard to make that determination if you interview with one attorney, and your case is assigned to another attorney you have not met.

HOW WILL THE ATTORNEY COMMUNICATE WITH ME?

To avoid misunderstanding and frustration in your attorney-client relationship, understand how your attorney will communicate with you. Do they prefer communication through email, telephone, or text? Who will you be primarily communicating with – the attorney or their staff?

HOW OFTEN WILL THE FIRM SEND ME INVOICES?

Ask how often the firm sends invoices. You do not want to receive an invoice several months after you have retained your attorney only to find out that your retainer is completely depleted. Better to know each month where you stand financially with your attorney.

WHAT WILL I BE BILLED FOR?

Have a full understanding of what you will be billed for such as calls, emails, texts, document preparation, attendance at hearings, postage, and costs.

DOES THE ATTORNEY HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS OF ME?

Does the firm have rules about client use of social media during the pendency of your case? Do they have suggestions about how to communicate with your spouse while the case is ongoing? Do they want to be informed of discussions/issues that arise between you and your spouse, and how often? Does the attorney have other rules that may guide you smoothly through your divorce process?

WHAT DOCUMENTS WILL THE ATORNEY REQUIRE OF ME?

The earlier you begin compiling the necessary documents for your divorce attorney, the easier it will be for you. You can be assured that your divorce attorney will need documents such as your tax returns, paystubs, mortgage statements, deeds, titles, credit card statements, and retirement account(s) statements. Ask the attorney to provide you a detailed list of what they require.

IF YOU ARE READY TO GET STARTED WHAT ARE THE NEXT STEPS?

Typically, this would mean that you need to sign a retainer agreement, make payment of the retainer, and provide information for the attorney to draft the documents necessary to file your divorce.

MICHIGAN COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE ATTORNEY

Schmitt Law, PLLC treats each and every client with understanding. We will address any questions and concerns that you may have in order to structure our representation accordingly. Whether you have a simple, uncontested divorce or a complex legal battle that must be litigated, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC today by completing our online contact form, or calling us at (616) 608-4634 to schedule a consultation.

Communication With Your Attorney

February 14, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

It is important in the early stages of your relationship with your attorney to understand and agree to the preferred method of contact between you and your attorney. Do they prefer emails, texts, or telephone calls? If you establish an agreement about communication when you retain your attorney, you will find that communication, and responses to your communication will be more efficient.

Also, in the initial interview I inform clients that if they are going to be communicating with me from an email account, they should never use their work email account. When you communicate through a work email account, there is no expectation of privacy. What does that mean to the client? That means that any communication you have with your attorney may not be confidential. Your employer may have access to your email account. And, because you may not have any expectation of privacy from that email account, it may not be considered by the court to be confidential. If your email account is not confidential, all communication from it can be subpoenaed by the other attorney and used against you in court.

Similarly, to protect client privacy, clients should open a new secure email account for the sole purpose of communicating with their attorney. The reason for this safety measure is so your spouse cannot gain access to it. If you use a former email account, it may be that you spouse has the password to your account, or could guess what it may be. Open a new account, and password protect it with a password that is obscure, and one that you have never used before. There is nothing more horrifying than to know all of your email communication between you and your attorney has been compromised by your spouse.

Lastly, in January, 2022, Dearborn police reported that criminals have been attaching a small Apple tracker to people’s vehicles in order to monitor them for stalking or auto theft. Officials said Apple AirTags — quarter-sized GPS tracking devices designed to help people locate their wallets, car keys and other personal items — are being used to illegally track people and vehicles. Even though in Michigan, it’s illegal for a citizen to track anyone with a GPS device without their knowledge, it happens not only from criminals but with soon-to-be ex-spouses. If you have a concern that this will be an issue in your case, you can easily monitor for Apple Tags. This is automatic for iPhones, and clients using Android devices can be advised to download and install the app.

If you have questions about the best methods to communicate with your attorney, or any other questions related to the divorce process, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC and set up an appointment. Give us a call at 616-608-4634.

Rules For Texting, Phone Calls and Social Media

February 7, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

If you have a contentious relationship with your soon-to-be ex, then the first statement I make to clients is to limit their communication with the other party to texting only, and to essential communication about the children. If it is not a legitimate issue that must be addressed with the other party, then do not send the text.

Be mindful that anything you text can be brought into court as evidence and used against you in a custody hearing or trial. Think before you send that text “do I want the judge to see this text?”.

Learn to have self-control when you receive a text that upsets you. You DO NOT need to respond immediately, or perhaps not at all. Nothing is gained by keeping the bantering going. This may sound easy, and I respect that it is not. It is critical for couples who do not get along to find a way to effectively communicate (leading to effective co-parenting). And, inappropriate texts/or responses to them can be used against you in court.

To address social media, my statement to clients is to not litigate their case on social media sites. Do not post inappropriate comments or pictures, or any information about your case. The information or pictures you post can be used against you in court. Again, ask yourself “do I want the judge seeing this information or pictures and will this put me in a bad light in front of the judge?”. Bad behavior on social media sites really cannot be explained away in front of a judge. For additional information about social media see my blog “I want to win custody of my children, but I love Facebook…”.

To summarize, while the other party may poke at you via text or phone calls, this is the time to dig deep and develop self-control about how and when to interact with your spouse. Learning that you do not need to respond immediately, or at all will lower your anxiety, hopefully reduce the back and forth between the two of you, and will protect you in the event that your case is required to be heard by the judge.

If you have questions about communicating with the other party while going through a divorce or custody battle, or any other questions related to the divorce process, contact Schmitt Law, PLLC and set up an appointment. Give us a call at 616-608-4634.

Questions for the Initial Interview With an Attorney

January 24, 2022 By Laurie Schmitt

Most people are overwhelmed when they find it necessary to meet with an attorney to discuss a possible divorce. And most people are unaware of what questions they should ask during the initial interview. It is also true that the biggest issue between a client and attorney is communication.

When you are at the initial interview, you want to make sure that you and the attorney will be a “good fit” and be able to work together effectively. If the following questions are discussed at the initial interview, there is less likelihood of misunderstandings with your working relationship with the attorney.

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How will you communicate with me? Do you handle most communication via the telephone, email, text, zoom, in person meetings, or a portal?
What time of day and what days are you available to communication with me? Is it simply regular business hours, or do you allow communication after hours and on the weekends? If you allow communication after hours or on the weekends, is it via telephone, cell phone, email, or text?
When I contact you, how long will it be before I get return communication from you? Do you return calls, emails, and texts within a specific period of time? If so, what is that timeframe?
Are after hours or weekend communication billed at a different rate other than your regular rate of pay? If so, what is that hourly rate?
Will most of the communication with your office be directly with you or other staff members? If it is with staff members, will I be charged for that time, and if so, what is that hourly rate?
What is your hourly rate, and is there a minimum billable time?
What will I be charged for? Calls, letters, emails, communication with your staff?

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If you ask these simple questions during the initial interview, you will have a greater understanding of how the attorney addresses communication with their clients, and whether their style of communication will meet your expectations and needs. As the divorce process is hard

Communication

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